April 19th, 2016
Dwarf Lover is back! Maybe for good
this time. It depends on how much support I get at my Patreon! Money is
motivation, people! IT'S MOTIVATION! Was that as dramatic as that moment in Soylent
Green when the main guy reveals the secret ingredient in the McSoylent
December 18th, 2014
Pickle Boy has a new comic! He wrote it
a long time ago so if you've seen the same comic in your newspaper recently,
Pickle Boy didn't steal it! Also, I'm really rusty with my art skills so be kind
when you review it on your very popular website (with a link back to my site, of
course!) that is Fark? Maybe?
November 24th, 2014
Over two years since my last update? Holy cow! What have I been doing? Well, for one thing, I've been reading comic books! It's much
easier to post on a site like blogspot or wordpress or tumblr than it is to update posts on a stupid, non-smart site like this where all the ancient HTML code is hand entered! But I did
do some hand entering recently! That sounded sexy! But it wasn't! Because it was actually an update to my text adventure reviews and walkthroughs. That's not sexy at all! It's almost nerdy!
I've also learned that you don't have to pay extra for exclamation points! So why do people use periods? They're not exciting at all!
I recently played Adventureland by Scott Adams! It was boring! Oh wait! I shouldn't have used an exclamtion point for that! It was boring. Whew! That's better!
I also wrote up a Walkstory for Adventureland! Just in case you're not very good at adventuring like I am and you didn't know that sometimes in the pursuit of treasure, you have to molest a bear!
September 21st, 2012
Pickle Boy's daughter has come up with
some new ideas for comics. She's so much more talented than her father ever was!
And it looks like Pickle Boy, Jr, is coming up with some great material as well!
I can't wait until he's old enough to sign his name to this contract and begin
working with me!
Here's the next Pickle Boy's Comic. Or
should I say Pickle Boy's Daughter's Comic? All the work is mostly by me,
Grunion Guy, anyway!
January 28th, 2012
I've written another Bible Study! This
one is about Joseph's brothers finally getting the go ahead to take Benjamin
down to Egypt!
It's not as exciting as it sounds. It
sorely lacks the details and jokes of a good road trip movie. And then the whole
thing ends on a gigantic dinner party but we never even find out what they ate
or who they gossiped about while eating!
January 22nd, 2012
I've been busy doing a lot of super
heroic things over the last month! Now that Aquaman apparently isn't a joke
anymore, I'm getting new respect as well! People are all, "Dude, are you
that Aquaman guy that we all used to make fun of but now it's cool to like him
for some reason again guy?" And I go, "Yeah! Probably! Except my name
is Grunion Guy and not Aquaman! But everything else is true!" And then they
That other guy who isn't my secret
identity and I don't even hardly know him at all over at EEE! Tess Ate Chai Tea!
has been blogging his readings of the New 52 over at DC Comics. It's taken up a
lot of his time just like, um, saving fish cities has taken up my time!
If anybody out there was hoping
something on this page would be updated, they'll have to send me a message via
that e-mail address up top. I'm taking requests! Otherwise, I'll be busy saving
comics! I mean, reading people. Saving people!
Januray 10th, 2012
There's a new Pickle Boy Comic written
by Pickle Boy's daughter! Actually, it's co-written by Pickle Boy's daughter and
me! Also drawn by me! Pickle Boy had nothing to do with this one unless you want
to count his sperm to create Janie.
Read it here!
Also, here's Pickle Boy's Daughter's
vision of a Unicorn!
January 9th, 2012
Happy New Year! Wow! I took a month off
after finishing Tomb of Horrors! Don't expect Chapter Three to start anytime
soon though! But when it does start, it'll finish a lot faster than Chapter Two
did since I'm going to write the whole thing before I begin posting it. Don't
worry! It won't be worth the wait!
Meanwhile, a guy who looks an awful lot
like me but wears glasses and isn't me at all (seriously! He's not me! Stop
saying how you never see either of us together! We just, um, don't like each
other!) has been writing about Comic Books over at the blog, Eee! Tess Ate Chai
Also, I've finally finished my
Walkstory and Review of The Very Big Cave Adventure, Part Two. It took a long time because
the cave was very big! And kind of boring!
I'd say that's all I've done in the
last month but it's a lot of stuff! What the hell did you do all month?
December 10th, 2011
There happens to be a new Dwarf Lover
Director's Cut over at the bloggerel, Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea!
December 7th, 2011
As promised way back at the beginning
of this year, Dwarf Lover: Chapter Two has reached its conclusion! I'm just as
surprised as you! You probably don't want to hear how proud I am of this work
and how I nurtured it and spent hours upon hours ignoring it only to provide it
attention a few hours a month. So here it is! The conclusion of The Tomb of
Horrors: Rules Lawyering!
November 25th, 2011
Pickle Boy has come out of nowhere with
a new comic! Just in time to delay the ending of Dwarf Lover, Chapter Two! Way
to go, Pickle Boy!
Actually, Pickle Boy didn't delay the
comic by that much. Maybe ten minutes judging from my artwork in his comic! So
here's the final Dwarf Lover Short: the Epilogue to Six Very Short Stories
Before The End. The final full length comic of Chapter Two will appear sometime
November 23rd, 2011
Duke Sees the Truth. At this point, it
must be pretty boring seeing a new Dwarf Lover update every couple of days.
Where's the tension? The excitement? The long years of giving up hope on ever
knowing how Cobra Commander is going to get out of that alternate dimension!
Actually, you should probably give up
hope on ever finding that out. But the ending of Tomb of Horrors is just 1.1
November 21st, 2011
Are you still reading this stupid web
comic? Geez! Here's the next mini-episode made from my blood, sweat, tears, and
the mummy sculpture I made for Super Mummy! I almost used the Mummy picture from
the 3rd Edition D&D Monster Manual but then I decided to use some of my own
sculpture so all the jerks out there who don't think I'm an artist can suck
Stirik and the Mummy or something like
November 19th, 2011
I figured I'd slip in this episode of
Dwarf Lover on Saturday when everyone is busy doing other things because it's
the shortest and easiest Dwarf Lover to read ever. You can probably just skip
it: Kohk Kills Some Time.
November 18th, 2011
Another mini-Dwarf Lover for your
nibbling pleasure! This one features the stupid Elf! I think the Elf is stupid
because the comic is called Dwarf Lover and Dwarves (or Dwarfs) hate Elfs! Or
You know what? They're both stupid! Go
read it now!
More November 17th, 2011
I've begun a series that I'll hopefully
keep up on over at my Bloggerel, Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea! It's a Director's Cut
for the episodes of Dwarf Lover. I'll try to remember where I grabbed the images
for each comic, say a little bit about process or story, and ramble on about
whatever comes to mind. Just like the comic! The first episode which discusses
the first episode, The Beginning, is right here! (That's a link! The 'right
here' part! Click it!)
November 17th, 2011
Surprise surprise super surprise! I
should look up surprise in the Thesaurus so that I can sound like a fancy pants
blogger! You know, the ones that spend all of their time looking up words to
replace the words they would normally use if they didn't have lots of time to
put their thoughts together on a blog page! I guess I'm keeping it in the Real
as opposed to living it up in the Other!
That was all an extraordinary preface
to this fantastic news: A new Dwarf Lover is up! Holy cows! It is called Gary
Gets the Loot. I hope that title isn't too much of a spoiler!
November 16th, 2011
Super surprise! Fred Meyer was sold out
of Skyrim so that didn't waste any of my time at all! Which means I finished the
next Dwarf Lover in record time! It's only a Dwarf Lover Short. The next six
episodes will also be Shorts! So maybe they'll be done just as fast as this one
was! No, no, that was a joke. One thing I don't believe in is deadlines!
So, here is the first story in a batch
of short stories. The batch of short stories are called "Six Very Short
Stories Before the End". They're also subtitled, "The Kids of the Tomb
of Horrors." They also have their own individual names! This one is called,
"Polly Plays it Cool." Go read it now!
November 14th, 2011
Surprise! Modern Warfare 3 didn't
interfere with my schedule at all! I think that means the game is a gigantic
failure. Maybe I'll get Skyrim so that can distract me as well! In the meantime,
here's Meanwhile, the next exciting episode of Dwarf Lover!
November 8th, 2011
New Dwarf Lover! It's almost like
reading a weekly comic by somebody with some sort of discipline or something!
Go read it now and pretend you paid
$3.99 for it! Then remember that you didn't and realize I'm better than DC and
October 31st, 2011
Happy Halloween! I decided not to play
a trick and tell you that Dwarf Lover isn't going to updated today and instead
am giving you a treat because Dwarf Lover is being updated today. It's an
extra-special scary episode too! Enjoy!
October 26th, 2011
I once went through a phase when I felt
I needed to be more exciting! So I got myself a super hero weapon! It was a gun!
I called myself Grunion Gun! It was super exciting! In my latest Review and
Walkstory (if you don't remember or never read the part where I wrote it but
Walkstory is my trademarked term for a Walkthrough that is also a story!), I
decided to resurrect Grunion Gun! It makes for a much more exciting Adventure
game! Check it out! POW!
October 22nd, 2011
Halloween is just around the scary
corner and the next Dwarf Lover is just about ready to hit the press. But it
still won't hit the presses until Halloween. I'm still on hiatus. Or vacation.
Or I'm really, really busy with some really important life-changing and
So until then, I'll just post a game
review for a game that was kind of dumb and silly and not really that
interesting. Also the Walkstory that goes with it.
October 12th, 2011
I decided to start using my Blogger
blog to compose notes about my various projects here on Places and Predators.
The blog is here. It's called Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea!
It's also easier to comment there since the forum has really just become a
target for spammers. The forum may stay or it may go. It's in purgatory right
October 8th, 2011
I've been playing a bit of Nethack
lately. Anybody who knows Nethack knows what an understament 'a bit of' is when
it comes to playing Nethack. I'm chronicling my lessons learned on my Nethack
Review Gaming Page. This doesn't mean I'm not doing other things too!
The Tomb of Horrors is written and
finished, if not Photoshopped. But that's the easy part. Places & Predators
will rise again from the dead on Halloween with a new episode of Dwarf Lover.
This should be followed by a number of episodes of Dwarf Lover on a much more
timely scale than normal so that Chapter Two will wind up by the end of the
August 6th, 2011
Cool Kid #1: What's that you say?
Cool Kid #2: The new Dwarf Lover is up and ready to read and it's fantastic!
Cool Kid #1: Holy Crapoley! I better go read it so that I can stay hip and
groovy like all the other cool kids.
Nerdy Kid: I don't read Dwarf Lover. POUT!
August 1st, 2011
I just played a new old game from 1979
called Space and then reviewed it also. I thought it was going to be an
adventure game but it wasn't. Then I thought it was going to be a role playing
game but it kind of wasn't. Then it appeared it was a game about making money
that was sort of set in a future world where everyone gets drafted. It might be
interesting if people wanted to compete against each other to see how much money
they could earn before dying. The main problem with the game is that it doesn't
spit out how much money you had when you die. Which is stupid. Although the game
is in BASIC so I guess if you know which variable was being used for your Total
Earnings, after the game ends you can just print it out. Oh, heck, let me figure
it out for you now! Be right back!
Okay, once the game ends and you're
left with the prompt, type PRINT SK(29) and enter. The game will then list a
number. That's how much money you had when you died! Yay!
July 29th, 2011
Finally, another true to life tale
about Grunion Guy and Pickle Boy's secret identities! This one is probably
called something like College is Awesome.
Also July 28th, 2011
The Grand Afterlife of Richard F Burton
has caught up on all of his adventures preceding Adventure #46! Which means it
is time for me to continue reading that book about the woman who is trying not
to die by telling lots and lots and lots of stories that end in cliffhangers.
July 28th, 2011
Pickle Boy thought up a new comic while
in the john this morning. So I had to draw it while thinking about Pickle Boy in
the john. Why is the bathroom called the john? Does it have something to do with
John Thomas? Oh yeah, here's the comic.
July 27th, 2011
Joseph's brethren visit Egypt! Okay,
it's a little less of a visit and a little more shopping trip. Okay, it's a
little less trip and a little more expedition. Okay, it's a little less shopping
and a little more getting accused of being spies and thrown in jail! Enjoy!
July 17th, 2011
The next episode of Dwarf Lover is
ready to be read by you. It goes back to the Stirik pathway so you should
probably reread Stirik's Choose Your Own Adventure Book or just remember
everything you read before because rereading takes time out of your finite life.
The next episode is called Spinoff!
Yes, there will be a Stirik Spinoff
comic. Sort of! It's kind of ready to go but I should probably write one or two
before starting a whole new section!
July 9th, 2011
The next section of Lyle's Bible Study
sounds like an episode of The Kids of Degrassi Street or maybe a film strip you
might have been shown in your elementary school class if you grew up in the
seventies: Pharaoh Makes Joseph a Ruler.
July 2nd, 2011
I'll get done with Genesis some day! I
think I'm pretty close because I'm on Joseph and he's like the last important
guy in Genesis! I think! This next Chapter is entitled Pharaoh's Dreams
isn't as sexy as that might sound.
June 29th, 2011
I'm back in The Bible Study business!
If you missed it, all of the sections now have a KNOW THY ENEMY entry. Also, a
new entry is up! It's about Joseph and how he likes to learn about other
people's dreams! Pervert!
June 17th, 2011
Another Pickle Boy Comic to tide you
over while Dwarf Lover sits ignored. But the quality of both comics is about the
same, right? This one is quite controversial.
June 15th, 2011
A new Pickle Boy Comic for no one to
enjoy! Um, enjoy!
June 9th, 2011
I've been working on Places &
Predators things because none of this other garbage is ever going to make me any
money. So most everything else has been on hiatus while I work on real things.
Except I have updated some of Lyle's Study Guides with a Know Thy Enemy Section
(the first 16 sections, the next 39 to follow soon). After that, I'll start it
More episodes of Dwarf Lover are being
written but I haven't been too eager to photo shop them yet. When I next update
it, there will probably be 3 or 4 episodes followed very closely after each
other. And I think there are only about 6 episodes left for Chapter Two anyway.
The Grand Afterlife of Richard F Burton
has seen a lot of updates that I haven't mentioned. Mainly because I'm just
getting caught up to Adventure #46.
Pickle Boy is on vacation so he isn't
writing comics. He's eating doughnuts and drinking Tom Collinses with his mom.
I almost started reading Twilight but
it's pretty tough to even start when the author can't even spell her first name
correctly. Also, the last sentence of the first paragraph of the first chapter
is "My carry-on item was a parka." There's something so horrifically
horrible about that sentence that I couldn't read any further. "My carry-on
item was a parka." *shudder*
Grunion Guy's Help Desk and Game
Reviews ran into a brick wall with a game I started to play but got bored of
fairly quickly. It was a satire on the original Adventure and it was pretty bad.
Plus it was on the Spectrum and had a 2nd part like the Mindshadow Game I
reviewed way back when. And like that time, I have no idea how to continue the
game on the 2nd part with the Spectrum Emulator I'm using.
I've also started on a brand new
Grunion Guy Story! I haven't written one of those in a long time! It's called
'The Brunswick Horror!' It's going to be very exciting!
That's all that's new with me. Except
for nobody visits the forums except for a bunch of lousy Russians who are trying
to spam it like crazy. Jerks!
The next actual person who joins the
forum will win a prize! Surprise! I bet nobody wins!
May 11th, 2011
A new Pickle Boy Comic has appeared to
warm your hearts! It's been almost a month since the last one and I'd like to
assure everyone that it was my fault and not Pickle Boy's. With material like
this, he can come up with a new comic any time I ask!
May 7th, 2011
The Dwarf Lover that I said would be up
May 1st is now up a week later. That'll teach me to start giving out actual
dates for the updated comics. All eight fans out there are probably used to
sporadic updates by now anyway. At least it wasn't six years late this time!
Anyway, go read Into the Silver Mists now!
April 25th, 2011
Richard F Burton has been having some
adventures. He's halfway to caught up with his 46th Adventure which started his
site! Good job, Richard F Burton!
April 14th, 2011
Oh joy! Pickle Boy just can't stop the
flow of mediocre comic strip ideas! So head on over to Pickle Boy's Comic and
have yourself a laugh riot attack!
Also, I have a new Review and a new
Story/Walkthrough of a 1985 Kingsoft game for the Commodore 64, Frankie Crashed
April 10th, 2011
Right on schedule, the next Dwarf Lover
is up! This one is three times as big as a normal issue! Polly relates a little
tale you might know I'm fascinated with if you'd ever read my unfinished
masterpiece, Astounding Sci-Fi Tales of Horror. That story is The Breakfast Club
which you'll all recognize but I mention it here for Search Engines to make note
April 8th, 2011
Dwarf Lover sure does take a long time
to put together. Or is it Dwarflover? Stupid Web Comic.
April 4th, 2011
Even though I should be working on the
next Dwarf Lover, I decided to draw a Pickle Boy Comic! Enjoy! You should
probably discuss it in the forum too!
March 31st, 2011
After two weeks of playing He-Man and
the Masters of the Universe in Super Adventure, I finally defeated Skeletor! Is
that a spoiler? You should read the story/Walkthrough if you're not interested
in downloading a Commodore 64 emulator, finding the rom, and wasting your time
playing the game. But if you're into that kind of stuff, just read my Review
about the game since you don't want me spoiling the exciting story about how
you, as He-Man, defeat Skeletor and save Eternia!
March 30th, 2011
A new Pickle Boy Comic is up! Although
it wasn't written by Pickle Boy at all! That doesn't mean he isn't still writing
them! I think it just means he didn't write this one!
March 28th, 2011
I missed the two year anniversary of
starting Lyle's Biblical Study Guide and providing people with an in-depth
knowledge of that super sacred special text! I started it on March 25th, 2009!
And I don't remember the last time I updated it! So maybe I better get around to
doing that because people are starting to lose faith! Plus, I should probably
try to finish before Judgment Day on May 21st, 2011! Oh man, that's a lot of
March 26th, 2011
I just finished playing one of the most
boring Commodore 64 games I've ever played! Can I even describe it as playing?
Well, it was writing! So it was fun! Read the Review of The Three Musketeers and
then read the story/walkthrough too!
March 20th, 2011
The next Dwarf Lover episode, Agitated, is now
available for free online! And it isn't anymore of that Stirik in a Choose Your
Own Adventure crap! It's the real deal! I'm sure I'll remember to wrap up
Stirik's little storyline sometime in the future but for now, please to enjoy
more of the Dwarf and the Elf and the other ones!
March 9th, 2011
There is a new forum in town! It is
brand new and only has Grunion Guy and Pickle Boy as registered members. And
neither of us have bothered posting anything so it looks like a barren
wasteland. I don't imagine that will change very soon! I'm too busy writing real
things to write commentary on my stuff! That's for other people! Also, that
little bird up in the other corner is a link to follow me on Twitter. I don't
really do any writing on Twitter because it is so limiting and you can't limit a
real Writer! But if you're interested at all in any of my awesome writing
projects, then you should Follow Me on Twitter because then you'll get instant
updates whenever I update!
March 8th, 2011
You might think you already read this
but I assure you you haven't. Unless you read this already instead of just the
March 7th entry. And then I'm wrong. But the reason you might have thought you
read this even if you haven't is because it's yet another update for Pickle Boy
March 7th, 2011
Pickle Boy thought up another comic. He
also claims he's written six more but, after today's comic, we both think his
subconscious might be stealing them from old Far Side comics he read years ago.
But that just makes them funnier! Go see his new one over at Pickle Boy's
March 4th, 2011
What if you were a spirit and you were
able to possess people and make those people say things that your spirit just
can't help not saying? Well, that's what has happened to Richard F Burton, famed
for translating The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night and The Kama Sutra.
Also, less famous for Vikram and the Vampire. Also probably not very famous for
those first couple also.
Stop being so ignorant, people! Go
listen to the haunted tales of Richard F Burton's ghost! Booooo!
March 2nd, 2011
Pickle Boy and I just can't stop
writing and drawing comics! What an amazing team. Today, we bring you the fourth
installment of Pickle Boy's Comics! I can't wait until Pickle Boy's Comics are
super famous and we get a nice big autograph table at Comic Con where we can
charge $20 for our signatures!
February 28th, 2011
Pickle Boy has written another comic!
He probably stole this joke from somewhere else but his memory is so bad that he
can't remember any jokes he's ever heard. So you can pretty much believe that
this originated in his own mind. Plus, don't forget to read the latest Dwarf
February 26th, 2011
The interlude of Stirik continues in
the new Dwarf Lover episode. Bad news for those who hate reading: the Choose
Your Own Adventure style continues! Good news for those who hate reading: you
probably didn't read the bad news! So go read it already!
February 18th, 2011
This site hasn't seen this much action
since that time I did it to all those girls in that Transylvania chat room!
Pickle Boy Comic #2 is now up and raring to go! I'm not sure if the writing is
improving yet but the art sure is!
And another True Adventures of Me and
Ken too! What a day! And it's just barely 8 AM!
February 16th, 2011
Another new project on the heels of the
one where Pickle Boy barely writes anything. He actually came up with two new
comics but promptly forgot them the next day. To his credit, he still claims
he's written three comics. Anyway, the new feature is another comic. It is part
of my majestic memoirs. But it is only the parts that star Pickle Boy. And since
Grunion Guy and Pickle Boy are stupid names to put in a memoir that will be in
every library in the country, we're using the pseudonyms of Me and Ken. I will
star as Me and Pickle Boy will star as Ken. The comic is called The True
Adventures of Me and Ken!
February 10th, 2011
A new feature has been added at a time
when lots of old features are being ignored! A new writer, Pickle Boy, has started writing a web comic!
Pickle Boy has been my assistant writer for some time now and he thinks he's
finally ready for his own feature! Here's hoping he
keeps it up! Go see his section of the site right here!
February 5th, 2011
The next Dwarf Lover episode is now
available for free! What a sweet deal! It looks like I've created an arbitrary
deadline for myself. A new episode every three weeks. Don't complain! It's not
like I'm doing a 3-panel strip with a few dumb jokes! I'm doing ten pages with
even less dumb jokes. So enjoy the new Dwarf Lover and send all email to me at
my places and predators email account which you can find at the bottom of the
page. The very bottom!
January 16th, 2011
After five long years, a new Dwarf
Lover comic, entitled, Crossing the Gap, is finally up! Don't worry, it won't
take five years for the next one. Chapter Two, The Tomb of Horrors, will see an
end before the end of 2011. And before I hear any smart aleck remarks about that
probably being only two episodes, there are about 10-12 more installments left
in this Chapter! So enjoy!
January 6th, 2011
Dwarf Lover is returning very soon. It
was last updated in 2005, I believe. The elves and goblins are busy writing
story lines and scanning pictures while the gnomes are researching old pop
culture references that would fit the story line. Will Kohk and his merry band
of bandmates ever make it out of the Tomb of Horrors? I hope so! Reread the
events that led up to the place where we left off and will be returning very
shortly. Or at least sometime in the next month. Possibly February. READ DWARF
September 28th, 2010
I wrote a bit of a review and a bit of
an essay and a smattering of a walkthrough for the game, The Quest. The game
didn't really call for a walkthrough since it's mostly walking! It really is
just one puzzle across 200 or so locations. If you've been playing The Quest on
the Commodore 64 and you've been wondering why you can't solve it using the
Apple Version's Walkthrough, you might want to read the end of the review!
September 22nd, 2010
Another new game review is up! This one
is for the sequel of Aztec Tomb Adventure called Aztec Tomb Revisited! How
exciting! Except it wasn't! The Partial Walkthrough is up for this adventure
also. It isn't a partial walkthrough because I couldn't solve it (although I
didn't solve it (but I probably could have solved it!)) but because the game is
riddled with horrible code that constantly causes memory overflow issues. So the
basic premise of my review is THIS GAME SUCKS! But you should read it anyway
since I haven't written any Bible Reviews or Places & Predators things for a
long time! This is all you get!
September 17th, 2010
A new game review is up for Aztec Tomb
Adventure, a graphic adventure for the Commodore 64 from 1984. I also finished a
Walkthroughvella (that's a Walkthrough that's part Novella which is how all of
my Walkthroughs are and it's also my own copyrighted term that nobody can use
and nobody would probably want to use it anyway because it's not as catchy as I
think it should be) of the game and am currently working on the Sequel!
September 14th, 2010
I have a new review up for a game
released by Activision called Mindshadow. I previously had written a walkthrough
for the first half of it and just recently completed the second half of the walkthrough. It took
me a long time not because I'm dumb and can't solve mediocre puzzles but because
I started the game on a Spectrum Emulator and couldn't finish it on that dumb
emulator because I couldn't get the second disk or cassette or rom to load when
it wanted me to switch disks. So I played the rest of the game on the Commodore
64 which is where I should have been playing it in the first place! The Spectrum
graphics sucked! No wonder people have fond, nostalgic memories of the Commodore
64 and nobody ever says, "Boy, remember the good old Spectrum days!"
arch 23rd, 2010
The Trollslayer Text adventure has been
updated to fix a whole bunch of syntax problems that kept it from compiling with
the new version of Inform 7. Hopefully it'll work better if it wasn't working
that great before. I know there are still some typos left in the game. But The
Dwarf can now sober up after being drunk since the code used to read "The
sobriety of the player is now 0." when it should have read "Now the
sobriety of the player is 0." Stupid code.
August 17th, 2009
Every Week with Andy Rooney
"Do you ever think about stuff? I think about stuff every week. The
stuff is usually pretty ordinary but I like to present it in a new way. Well,
new if you're someone who has never thought about stuff. Some weeks, I won't
even bother to think about stuff and I'll just bring in a box of junk from my
garage. I'll then precede to talk about it for half an hour and my editor will
cut it down to one minute of the most interesting comments. Half of those
comments are usually, "I don't know what this does but I just can't bring
myself to throw it out." About this time, I'll usually throw in a line that
I'll repeat at the end of my segment to tie it all together and make you think I
had some kind of a point. After that, I'll make a few ordinary observations
about the stuff. I'll end most of my sentences with question marks to make it
look like I'm really thinking hard about the stuff. Sometimes, I can get a few
sentences through that don't make any sense at all and you won't notice, because
you'll be distracted by my eyebrows. I'll make it sound like nobody knows why we
need this stuff and yet nobody can live without it either. Then I'll run out of
things to say and I'll repeat the line from earlier in a joking manner to signal
that I'm done talking about that stuff."
May 15th, 2009
New Study Guide!
Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday! Do I have to keep updating this front page?
It's not like I have anything else to say. I haven't really been watching much
television or scoring with hot chicks. I mean, I score all the time except I'm a
gentleman so I don't score and say.
May 13th, 2009
New Study Guide up!
Now with weaning!
May 11th, 2009
New Study Guide up!
This time it is about the birth of Isaac. It was sort of a boring part.
May 7th, 2009
New Study Guide up!
It's about Abraham and some guy named Abimelech.
May 5th, 2009
New Study Guide up!
I think someone needs to make a Street
Fighter type game where you play different Gods. Like Jesus versus Kali versus
Yahweh versus Thor versus Baal versus Allah versus Ganeesh and so on! Man, I'd
kick but as Krishna!
May 4th, 2009
New Study Guide up!
I've been doing a lot of reading which
is weird for me since I'm a Writer. Reading is such a passive activity. How can
people be readers? Just sitting there and accepting somebody else's stupid story
that I could do a far better job writing? What a waste of time! But I've been
reading so that I can expand my horizontals. I'm currently reading The Dog
Conclusion and it has something to do with how the universe was pooped out
by a giant cosmological terrier or something. I don't know. It's hard to
concentrate! I keep writing in my head while reading so I miss a lot of the
book. I've got this great idea for a Science Fiction story about a giant cat
that barfs up a hairball which turns out to be the galaxy for a really advanced
civilization that worships cats! I hope I get some positive responses on my
query letters to publishers for that idea!
April 28th, 2009
New Study Guide! No other news to tell
you about since my life is boring and nobody cares about me anyway. I think I'll
call my mom now!
April 27th, 2009
I have to go eat breakfast now. If
you're eating at the Cup and Saucer on Hawthorne in Portland, OR at 9:30 AM this
morning, please leave me in peace. I won't be signing autographs.
Um, also, new Study Guide!
April 26th, 2009
I saw a car on fire last night. I've
been busy! Stop being so nosy! Here's a new Study Guide!
April 21st, 2009
I need Viking jokes for my up and
coming Viking comic strip I will be writing. E-mail me your favorite Vikings
jokes and I'll credit you in each strip. Although, if I've already thought up
the joke you send me like I probably will have already done, you won't get a
Another Study Guide is up!
April 20th, 2009
Yesterday, this girl at the park who is
usually there feeding bread to the ducks who wasn't there the week before was
there. So I told her I missed her last week and I really meant I missed looking
at her because she always wears short shorts but she just thought I meant I'm
used to seeing her there and didn't last week. So she said, "I was in
Seattle at a Japanese Comic Cartoony thing." And I said, "Sakuracon?"
to like totally impress her with my knowledge of Nerddom. She was surprised I
knew what it was since I must come across as a totally macho and cool dude to
her and not a total geekwad nerd that would know about that stuff. So I asked
her how it was and she said, "It was creepy."
Now go learn about God's covenant with
April 16th, 2009
I wish I knew more jokes. Then this
sentence would be a joke and then the next sentence would be a serious remark
with the link to the new Study Guide. Except I don't know a joke so that last
sentence had the link to the new Study Guide. Oh, that one did too!
April 15th, 2009
It's Tax Day! Whee! Too bad tomorrow's
Study Guide isn't ready for today since it is all about Tithing which means
Divine Tax Inspired by God and Collected by Man to Pay for his Salary for
Teaching People About Tithing. Today's Study Guide is all about WAR!
April 14th, 2009
I really shouldn't neglect all the
other parts of my web-page for this stupid Study Guide. Especially the Places
& Predators Stuff since that's the whole name of the website! And it's
represented less than all of my other amazing stuff. Oh well! That's what I
hired Pickle Boy for. He should be organizing stuff for my fans. He should
really be working on getting us a booth at Comic-con! Except then we'd miss the
Portland Brew Fest. Why do they always fall on the same weekend? I wonder who I
can talk to to get that changed? Batman maybe?
Oh, um, new Study Guide!
April 13th, 2009
What a long weekend! I hosted a super
successful party on Thursday that took me all week to prepare. And then on
Friday, I couldn't do any writing or update my Bible Study Guide because I had
Post Partyum Depression. But I'm over that now and have put up the next Study
Guide. It's a really exciting Chapter of the Bible finally! Lots of adultery and
traveling and lying and getting rich for no reason! I hope it stays this way!
April 9th, 2009
Happy Maundy Thursday! What does that
even mean? I hope it means I get a present. I was going to write some more about
it but there is a spider climbing on the wall next to my head and I have to type
this really, really fast and run away now. STUDY GUIDE! AAAAAaaaaaaAAAGGGHH!
April 8th, 2009
I'm really tired from Super Heroing all
night. When I stopped at 7-11 for a Mutant Berry Slurpee (Wolverine is selling
them! I have to support my fellow Super Heroes!), the clerk told me a story that
involved her saying 'dicked off' and cleaning up the resultant mess. Ew. Um,
here's the next Study Guide! Don't dick off to it!
April 7th, 2009
The Tower of Babel Study Guide is up! I
wonder if a video game has ever been made about The Tower of Babel? I bet it
would be really fun! You'd have to try to keep building a tower while not
understanding the guy next to you! Um, unless the guy next to you started
speaking the same language. Did everyone working on it start speaking a
different language? I forgot to ask that in the Study Guide! Oh well, just add
that question in the margins.
April 6th, 2009
I took both Sabbath Days off from
posting Study Guides! I didn't stop writing them or playing video games or
pushing buttons or getting donkeys out of holes. I'm not going to be ridiculous
about it. I'm only commenting on The Bible. I'm not following it! I'm not even
sure, at this point, I'd know how to follow it! I guess what I've learned so far
is not to look at my father naked and not to eat any fruit God tells me not to
and to be the lucky guy God picks to not drown when he drowns everyone and don't
build a tower to heaven and don't
be the son of a naked father looker either!
Oh yeah, there's also a new study guide
April 3rd, 2009
If you like drinking, then you'll
probably like this next Study Guide. Also, if you like finding old men lying
naked in your tent, this one will be your cup of joe too!
I saw The Curious Case of Benjamin
Button yesterday. It was about a woman who can only fall in love with Brad
Pitt when he's good looking or not a baby. She was pretty shallow!
I also watched Stand By Me
because I have lots of time to do nothing because I write so quickly. I wonder
what movies that Brower kid went on to star in later! That one guy went into
space and that other guy fought vampires and that other guy WAS a vampire that
got fought and that fat kid invented those tiny hamburgers that you can eat
three or four of at a time without seeming like a fat hog. But what did the dead
kid do later? I really need to find out. He was really good!
April 2nd, 2009
Wow! One of my readers already
attempted to answer an Essay Question for Lyle's Literal Interpretation of The
Bible Study Guide for Dumb Dumbs! Of course, that reader is my lazy assistant
Pickle Boy! But at least he's trying! You can see his assignment here if you
need an example of some mediocre school work.
April 1st, 2009
Study Guide Part Seven is up and
running for anybody that is interested. Can everybody on the internet hear me?
Is this thing on?
I would tell you about a movie I
watched recently except every time I try to watch something on Netflix
Inst-Streaming, it crashes my internet. I think Comcast is Special. And I'm
using Special in the way people would use Retarded but apparently aren't allowed
to anymore. But next week, you won't be able to call them Special either. When
will it all end?
Oh yeah, if any of that offended
anybody, um, April Fools! Ha ha! It was all a joke. Now if you're offended at
me, it just shows that you have no sense of humor and a Popsicle stick up your
March 31st, 2009
Why is my audience so demanding? You
can't make a Writer Write! You have to just give him cash and let him think
stuff up while you give him more cash and possibly alcohol (except I don't drink
because my father was a Tuna). But I put up a new Study Guide anyway. It isn't
because of the whiners out there whining for new things to read, like Teleman
and Pickle Boy. It was because while you can't make a Writer Write, you also
can't stop a Writer from Writing! I Wrote that! So if you repeat it to anybody,
you have to attribute that quote to me, Grunion Guy!
March 30th, 2009
Today, I played Diazepam on the
Facebook wordplay game. I thought it was a proper noun but it took it anyway so
I guess I was wrong or it was. But enough about me and how awesome a Writer I am
even in kiddie word games. Let's move on to how smokin' awesome a Writer I am
and let me tell you there is a new Study Guide up! Go read it!
March 29th, 2009
So I wrote another Study Guide because
I just can't help writing things. You know, because I'm a Writer. It's like if
you're a golfer, you always golf. Unless you don't make the cut on Friday and
then you sit around crying in your tea and crumpets all weekend and watch the
good golfers on television. So the new Study Guide is about Cain and Abel.
They're these two fellows who get into some wild shenanigans that lead to
murder! It's like an episode of Albert Hitchhike.
March 27th, 2009
Another new study guide is up! It's
called The Fall of Man! Don't expect these to be done every day like this. I'm
not a super hero! I mean, my super power doesn't involve writing quickly or not
procrastinating. If this were a swimming website, it would get updated every
Plus, I have to have time to watch
movies. I saw a Koren film called The Host today. It was sad but it was supposed
to be happy or uplifting somehow. It was about these retarded people who have to
fight a sea monster created from dumping formalded hides down a sink. And then a
lot of people die including the one you think is going to be saved. But I won't
tell you which one that is because that would spoil the movie! Also, I didn't
mean saved. Um, I meant, the one who you didn't think would be eaten or some
other verb that doesn't make it seem like it might be the little girl. Although
it should be a word that could still indicate it is the little girl or else it
would be too misleading.
March 26th, 2009
A new study guide is up! This one is
about Adam and Eve!
I also watched the 2004 version of Dawn
of the Dead today. The one where they're in the mall? Boy! What a huge surprise
twist ending! I can't believe that the main girl (the girl from that movie Go!)
wasn't a vampire! Why would they put the fake horror movie teeth in her mouth
for the whole film when she didn't end up being a werewolf? Or a zombie?
Whatever those monsters were!
March 25th, 2009
I have a new section of the Web Site
up! It's called Lyle's Study Guide for the Literal Interpretation of The Bible for Dumb Dumbs
or something like that. Click on that link to see what it's called and then to
read it! It already has one section written!
Also, you can pretend that I've been
working on that all this time since February whatever that last dated entry says
but I'd have to scroll down to see it right now and I'm too busy typing this
stuff you're reading to to do that. I say pretend since what I was really doing
was sleeping and playing video games! Oh, and I read a book!
Even though I'm a Writer and not a
Reader, I still read a book called Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? The book
ends in a question mark! That wasn't me seeming unsure about the book I read! It
was all about this guy who isn't sure if he likes his life or his robot sheep
and then he shoots some things that aren't technickally alive and he wonders why
he suddenly feels bad for killing them when he should feel the same way he would
feel if he killed a toaster. And then he does one all hot and heavy and all the
replications think that they've pulled one over on humanity but they don't
understand humanity and that makes their belief totally wrong or something. And
then the goat dies and I cried. But it all worked out somehow because of a
plastic frog. I hope I didn't spoil it too much! There plenty of other bits I
left out so you can be surprised by those parts. Like the fake owl!
February 17, 2009
Now that most everybody who isn't
anybody doesn't have any television to watch because one year was not enough
time to prepare (unless they pushed it back even longer because, in America, one
year really isn't enough to prepare. I mean, really, we have things to do!),
I've decided to post some of my old stories to entertain those people without
entertainment! So click on the link to the left to go to my Stories Page! Or
just go here to read Shoot Out in the Old West, a real page turner!
February 6, 2009
I just played my first game on my brand
new Commodore 64 emulator! It was called Darksword and it sucked!
February 4, 2009
I'm downloading a C-64 Emulator right
now. It's called Vice. I don't know if it's any good but maybe I can write a
review for it later! I should find out what the name of that stupid Spectrum
Emulator I was using is called because it is stupid and wouldn't let me finish
the game I was playing. Maybe I should find a different one that will let me
finish Mindshadow! That's a pretty good idea by me. Smart!
I'll do that later, though. My pipes
are full of C-64 emulator right now. I have some other pipes that are full too!
I have to go now!
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