By Grunion Guy

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 CHAPTER FIFTY
The Descendants of Esau, Genesis 36:1 - 36:31.


THE FACTS!

Esau is Edom.

Esau's wives were Adah (daughter of Elon the Hittite), Aholibamah (the granddaughter of Zibeon the Hivite), and Bashemath (the daughter of Elon the, um, no, wait. Now she's the daughter of Ishmael. Sorry!).

Adah bare Eliphaz which means 'God of Phasers'.

Bashemath bare Reuel which means 'Friend of God'.

Aholibamah bare Jeush which means 'He that is devoured', Jaalam which means 'Young man', and Korah which means 'Bald'.

Esau takes his family and belongings and moves away from the land which was his home before Jacob got there and started taking up all of the room with his family and his belongings.

Esau settles in Mount Seir.

Remember, Esau is Edom!

Eliphaz beshat Teman (meaning Right hand or Redneck), Omar (meaning Speaker), Zepho (meaning Peeping Tom), Gatam (meaning Moo), and Kenaz (meaning Hunter).

Eliphaz also beshat Amalek (meaning Becoming dispirited as a result of hard labour) with his concubine Timna (meaning No means no).

Reuel beshat Nahath (meaning Nap), Zerah (meaning Sunrise), Shammah (meaning Lost or Desolation), and Mizzah (meaning Defluxion from the head. I have no idea what Defluxion means! I think it has to do with time travel).

All of these children were Dukes. Plus there seems to be an additional Duke Korah beshat by Eliphaz even though Korah wasn't listed in his beshittings but in Aholibamah's beshats.

Seir the Horite who occupied the land which Esau the Edomite moved into also had some generations!

Seir beshat Lotan, Shobal, Zibeon, Anah Dishon, Ezer, and Dishan.

Lotan beshat Hori and Heman (which means Prince of Eternia).

Timna was Lotan's sister.

Shobal beshat Alvan, Manahath, Ebal, Simon, Stepho, Onam and Theodore.

Zibeon beshat Ajah and Anah (this was the Anah that found his father's asses in the wilderness and not some other Anah which might have been a girl).

Anah beshat Dishon and Aholibamah, the daughter of Anah.

Dishon beshat Hemdan, Eshban, Ithran, and Cheran.

Ezer beshat Bilhan, Zaavan, and Akan.

Dishan beshat Uz and Aran.

The Dukes of the Horites were Lotan, Shobal, Zibeon, Anah, Dishon, Ezer, and Dishan. Yee-haw!

 

STUDY QUESTIONS!
Question God and Religion!

How come Esau's wife Adah is now the daughter of Elon the Hittite when Bashemath was the daughter of Elon the Hittite back in Chapter Twenty Six? And what happened to Judith, the daughter of Beeri the Hittite? Are both correct? I'm sure Bible Scholars have some sort of convoluted reasoning for this error so that believers can keep thinking that The Bible makes perfect sense all of the time. Of course, it's moments like these where if someone would just say, "Oh, yeah. Someone made a mistake in the records", it would be far more believable.

Aren't you glad your parents didn't name you Eliphaz? Why doesn't The Bible say what Esau's descendant's names mean? I had to use the internet! Are they not very important? Or are the names of Canaanites (or Hittites or Hivites or Horites or Whateverites) just nonsense words? I guess since I used the internet to discover the meanings of their names, they aren't just nonsense. So ignore that question.

I take it back. I would like to have been named Eliphaz if the other choice of name was Jeuth which means 'He that is devoured'. What do you think that's supposed to portend? What kind of a messed up name is that to give to a kid? I guess naming your kids 'young man' and 'baldy' are kind of appropriate for a baby.

Omar's name can either mean first born or speaker. But he wasn't the first born and I'm willing to bet he wasn't born speaking. So why the name Omar? Did people in The Bible only get their names long after they were born? Are we learning the names they gained later in life, like Abram became Abraham and Jacob became Israel? Or did people just know exactly what was going to happen to the children when they were born? Either way, naming your kid Jeush is really creepy.

Is Anah a man or a woman? Anah is listed as the daughter of Zibeon at the beginning of the Chapter. But then the pronoun 'he' is used when describing how Zibeon's child Anah found the asses in the Wilderness. I'm guessing Anah is a man since Anah becomes a Duke later. But that still means Anah was called 'the daughter of Zibeon' in verse 36:2. Maybe Zibeon had a son and a daughter named Anah! That would explain it, since daughters are rarely mentioned in the beshittings.

Isn't Biblical Genealogy exciting? And by exciting, I meant the opposite of exciting. It's a literary technique called Sarcasm. Unless it's really called Irony. Or perhaps it was an Analogy.

Did 'he fed the asses of Zibeon the father' sound dirty to you? Because it didn't really sound very dirty to me at all.

How many of the three stooges or Marx Brothers were named after Edomites or Horrites?

Are you interested in learning what all of the Horite names mean? Me too! But I'm not going to look them up for you! Find out yourself! It's like an extra homework assignment. Unless it's an Essay Assignment. Which I'm pretty sure it is!

 

HALO vs CALL OF DUTY

Halo
What the heck happened here? Maybe I never quite understood what was going on because I never played the first one. But it seems like I'm fighting aliens and then I'm fighting zombie aliens and then the aliens are on my side but then the zombie aliens are helping me but not really because they're more like rabid dogs or something. And Earth was or wasn't destroyed but then the universe keeps almost getting blown up but it's somehow stopped somehow because Master Chief blows up the Space Halo. And why does the Spark thing fight me at the end of the game? Boy, was I lost.

Multiplayer is a lot of fun except you're usually playing against scumbags who think playing a video game is the mark of a man. If they're on your team, they'll shoot you if you take the wrong gun or try to get in a vehicle they want to get in or if you shoot a guy they wanted to shoot or if you look at them funny or if you have an accent. If they're on the other team and they win, they'll say you suck. And if they're on the other team and they lose, they'll say that you suck.		 Call of Duty
The story line takes place in World War II or something. I didn't finish the solo campaign because I was playing on Veteran Difficulty and I got to the part where the Japanese Super Spider Soldiers start attacking you and you have to smoke out with them because you're in control of the flame thrower. It might not have been as difficult as some of the other parts but I guess I got bored of killing the same Japanese guy over and over because I kept getting killed by the next same Japanese guy over and over. I also didn't like the Russian guy who teaches you how to Snipe because he kept letting a German run into the room I was sniping dogs from. And then I had to turn to shoot the German. But then the dumb Russian guy would follow the German into the room (maybe to warn me or something) and then I'd shoot him too and get called a traitor!

The multiplayer on this game is pretty fun too. I don't know how many jerks are out there playing it though because I learned my lesson from Halo and usually just remain in party chat with my friends while playing. Although some jerks on your team still do the Knife Swing behind you so you have to turn around to defend yourself but then you find it's just a teammate and then you get shot from the direction you'd been looking before your stupid teammate decided to try to stab you.
The Winner: Call of Duty!
Call of Duty wins because I started playing it after becoming bored of Halo. Plus you get to fulfill challenges like jumping to your death and running around a lot. Those are pretty easy to do! Both teams would lose though if I had to rate it on other players. Did you know that most people who play video games are arrogant bastards with no redeeming social skills? People should stop telling them to go outside and get a life because I'd rather only meet them in a video game chat room. Who wants to be waited on by one of those jerks when you go out to eat? Not me!

 

 

HISTORICAL FACTS

Defluxion means a sudden disappearance (which would mean Mizzah's head disappeared when born) or a copious discharge (which is pretty descriptive of birth) or a falling out, as of hair (so he was probably bald too). So, you know, thanks for the name Mizzah, mom and dad!

The original title of the television series 'Lost' was 'Shammah'.

I am kind of obsessed with the television show 'Lost'.

I didn't mean to imply that my name was Mizzah in the first Historical Fact. I was pretending to be Mizzah when I typed that last sentence. My name is Grunion Guy.

I think I might have mistaken an episode of Star Trek for a Chapter in The Bible.

Sometimes, I itch all over for no apparent reason. I'm pretty sure I don't have fleas or scabies. But I guess an expert hasn't told me I don't, so maybe I do!

In 1984, Nintendo had thousands of American kids swearing at their parents as they asked for Duck Hunt for Christmas.

 

ESSAY ASSIGNMENT.
Choose one.

A. Learn the meaning of the names of all of the Hittites like Ezer and Shepho and Alohibamah and Zibeon.
B. The next time you have to write a document for work or a personal letter, slip in as many Horite names as you can.
C. There really isn't any point to this section, is there? I'm just asking three more Study Questions, really! How often do I actually ask something that needs to be answered in the form of an essay?

 

DRAWING TIME!

Free draw! Draw anything you'd like because The Bible didn't really give us much to work with. Unless you want to draw a family tree or something.

 

WHAT DID CHRISTIAN LITERALISTS LEARN?

No Christian Bible reader has actually ever done anything but skim this Chapter or think about their shopping list while moving their eyes across the words. So, you know, nothing has ever been learned from it.