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PART FIVE
The Descendants of Adam, Genesis 5:1 - 5:32.

THE FACTS!

Adam beshat Seth.

Adam dies at 930 years old.

Seth beshat Enos.

Seth dies at 912 years old.

Enos beshat Cainan.

Enos dies at 905 years old.

Cainan beshat Mahalaeel.

Cainan dies at 910 years old.

Mahalaeel beshat Jared.

Mahalaeel dies at 895 years old.

Jared beshat Enoch.

Jared dies at 962 years old.

Enoch beshat Methuselah.

Enoch dies at 365 years old.

Methuselah beshat Lamech.

Methuselah dies at 969 years old.

Lamech beshat Noah.

Lamech dies at 777 years old.

Noah beshat Shem, Ham, and Japheth at 500 years old.

That's pretty much it unless I got some of those names and dates wrong. If I did, just cross them out and put in the correct one. It's hard to keep track of all that stuff when you fall asleep twenty times trying to get through one Chapter!

STUDY QUESTIONS!
Question God and Religion!

Why is this chapter so boring? Did you fall asleep too?

Why are so many names repeated between Cain and Seth's families? Doesn't it make you think perhaps they were the same group? Or is Lamech the equivalent of the '70s Jasons and the '90s Zachs?

Did Lamech work for Bungie Studios?

Why does Enoch die so young? Did he have bad habits? Did God hate him? The Bible says Enoch walked with God but he was not. Does this explain something? Could it be any more vague or confusing?

Did 'for God took him' sound dirty to you too?

How did people live so long? Do you think maybe The Bible meant months instead of years? Maybe the dates got mixed up! Like how Americans say 9-11-2001 but the Britishers say 11-9-2001. Maybe Olden Time Jewish People said 9-2001-11. See how the writers of the King James Bible could have made that mistake?

How many kids would you have to fight if your parents named you Ham? Probably a lot! Especially if you were fat.

If the people of The Bible aged the same way people of today age, meaning they were old and decrepit and senile at 100, what were they like at 700? Were they just big, useless blobs of flesh and deteriorating bones? Did they lie in a heap at the base of their Rascals going, "grrrglesllddeggg kill me nowrggg"?

Were some of Adam's descendants Hawaiian?

HISTORICAL FACTS

Nobody has ever been interested in long lists of names and births and deaths. Unless they're a genealogical nerd and then they're only interested in the lists that resulted in their own birth.

Noah probably wouldn't have named his son Ham if he'd known about the taboo against eating Pork that God or Moses or some drunk Pharisee would institute later.

Methuselah's claim to fame is being listed in a list of names and numbers with the highest number next to his name. This makes him famous for worse reasons than Kim Kardashian. Way to go, old man!

ESSAY ASSIGNMENT.
Choose One.

A. Anything would be more entertaining than that Chapter of The Bible. Prove it!
B. The Bible didn't really put forth much effort, so why should you? Write a list of names and assign a random number to each one.
C. Imagine Enoch's internal dialogue at the moment of his death at the tender age of three hundred and sixty-five years old.

DRAWING TIME!

What do you think a nine hundred year old man looks like? Show me!

WHAT DID CHRISTIAN LITERALISTS LEARN?

Methuselah was the oldest man that ever lived at 969 years.

KNOW THY ENEMY

There isn't really much to argue about with the ill-informed in this section except how old people lived. Why did they live so long way back then? I wish I knew!

One thing I do know is that Photoshop has ruined magazines! I remember the days when you used to buy the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue and you'd see loads and loads of nipples poking through shirts and swimsuits! But now, with all the Maxims and FHMs and pseudo-Playboy Magazines, all the extra nipplage just gets photoshopped right out!

I didn't mean to add that as some sort of perverted aside! I just meant that you can't believe anything you read, hear, or see anymore! Which is why it is even more important to read and know your Bible in a literal sense! Hearing somebody else explicate the Bible is just like seeing a picture of a woman in a see-through shirt doused with water in the Arctic Tundra and not having any nipples poking out!

You don't have to not believe what I'm writing though! I'm not telling you what to think! I'm just telling you what the Bible says. Read it yourself and make your own conclusions! But don't read it and then make the conclusions of somebody you once heard tell you it means! That's just dumb!