Part Thirteen
The Mission!
Lola then came out of the back room with some more
papers. "Well, we have a few problems in the outlying area.
First, a Cyclops is eating a rancher's sheep. Go to his cave and
kill him. That's mission #1. Also, a bunch of kobolds have been
raiding the outlying cabbage patches. Their hideout is a cave just
outside town."
"Where's the rancher's place?" asked Rocko.
"Oh, that cave is just outside town,"
pleasantly answered Lola in a sweet voice that didn't sound anything
like a bad guy's henchman's voice would sound. "And the third
mission is a band of Land Pirates that have been spotted just
outside of town. In a cave. Would you like to choose one of
these?"
"Wow, are they all in the same cave?"
smart-mouthed Dade sassily.
"I doubt that," snorted Lola worriedly.
"Let The Hero choose!" sniggered Rocko.
"How reputable is Lola? Wanna hear a
song?" bothered Buster and not in a hot way.
"I love it when a woman snorts," eyelashed
batted Dade and losing his suspicious suspicions just like Lola
wanted him to which is why she relied on her feminine wiles of
snorty flirtation.
"The Cyclops, of course," chose The Hero
being too stupid to know what a Cyclops was or how many eyes it had
or what he was getting into also. Lola's eyes lit up.
"The Cyclops!? How brave!" swooned Lola
majestically. "I thought for sure you'd choose the easy
Kobolds."
"I would have chosen the easy Kobolds,"
explained Dade for the first of many times.
"Anyway, let The Hero choose," retarded
Buster unobservedly the way a retard would have done. "Unless
he's changing a diaper. In that case, Lola can choose."
"Yeah, The Hero!" gang-banged Rocko who
also wasn't listening or paying attention or observing stuff either.
"He just smokes too much bard's weed,"
responded Dade to a question that was edited for lack of plot
significance.
"Um, I don't mean to be a pain," pained
LEGObrick, "but I have to leave soon." And by leaving,
LEGObrick meant he had to go take a nap in the corner of the Hall
and play Starcraft. Which is what he did.
"I believe I said The Cyclops," ahemed The
Hero at his unobservant and slightly retarded and sort of gay
adventuring buddies. Unless all those terms are offensive and then
just read it as slightly retarded.
"I heard, sir," snipped Lola.
"No one else did," screamed Rocko hoping
that if he outshouted everyone in the Hall of Heroes for Hire, his
missing the answer would be their fault and Turf's too instead of
his own dumb fault.
"The Cyclops!" screamed Buster like a gay
girl. I mean, a gay or a girl but not both at the same time because
that would be different and more masculine than Buster.
"Dumbly," judged Rocko.
"Can he take the Cyclops and the rest of us go
after the Kobolds?" asked Dade hopefully.
"Yay! Let's kill a Cyclops!" yelled Corky
because he was more than slightly retarded and thought it would be a
good idea to fight something that would probably kill him like a
shark could kill a hummingbird.
"Good lad," patronized Turf as he patted
Corky on his big head and Buster began another song (thinking that
all of this time in the tavern was Life Experience).
"OH the Cyclops has one eye. I'm really not
sure why. He probably lost it in a snigger firt. I hope he cannot
fly." Buster then turned to the bartender. "Bartender, can
I sing for mead?"
"No," ended the bartender.
"Um, I still vote for the Kobolds," Dade
explained for the second time of many more to come.
"A bad guy shouldn't lie (even if he didn't
think he was)?" preached Rocko of the Holy Word of the Bad God.
"So, I can put you boys down for the Cyclops
job?"
"Yes!" shouted Buster!
"OH YEAH!" Kool-aided Turf.
"Er, I was talking about the Kobolds,"
third-timed Dade.
"I want to experience life and write songs as I
go!" cheerfully cheered Buster as he clapped his hands together
and kicked up his heels.
"Snigger," sniggered Turf.
"So gay," so gayed Rocko.
XIV. Poo Boy
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