GRUNION GUY III
Grunion Guy III was tasked by Hermes to recover the amulet,
probably because it has super healing powers or something. Having a human
grandmother and an orcish mother, Grunion Guy III decided to be a Gnome. He was
also a Healer which would probably come in handy in the Dungeons of Doom.
3rd Generation, Clinic Day One:
Listened to a Newt's heart today. Found it was Level 0 with only 2 Hit
Points and an Armor Class of 8. Had to put it out of its misery.
My second patient was another newt. My pet dog killed it before
I could examine it. Perhaps dogs aren't suited for surgery.
A rock fell from the ceiling and killed my dog. Ironically, I
had named my dog after my mother.
Examined a Fox next. It was Level 0 with 2 Hit Points and had an
Armor Class of 7. Euthanised it. It tasted terrible, by the way.
A Kobold came by the office as well. It was Level 0 with 2 Hit
Points and an Armor Class of 10. Terminally ill.
The Kobold was apparently terminally ill because it had been
bitten by a zombie. My next patient was a Kobold Zombie. It was quite near death
at Level 0 with only 4 Hit Points and an Armor Class of 10. So I helped it
Next on my list was a Grid Bug. I was surprised it was able to
walk into my office as it was merely Level 0 with only 1 Hit Point and an Armor
Class of 9. It was so sick that it couldn't even walk diagonally across the
Not a bad first day at the office. Ended the day with $1768
zorkmids, and, due to accepting trade, a pancake, +0 Chain Mail, 2 food rations,
3 scrolls and a wand.
3rd Generation, Clinic, Day Two:
Performed surgery on another newt. It didn't make it. It tasted terrible and
gave me a mild buzz.
A Jackal came in feeling feverish. I noticed it was Level 0, had
3 Hit Points and an Armor Class of 7. There was nothing I could do for it.
After the Jackal died, another Jackal and a Grid Bug stormed my
office. They seemed upset and were really wearing me down with their incessant
need for a second opinion. I had to pray to Hermes to gather my strength and
assure them both that they weren't going to make it.
It was at this point during my clinic duty that I decided the
Chain Mail gift I was wearing just wasn't suited for the work I needed to do. I
set it aside and went back to my patients.
A Liquor Merchandiser made his way to my office, promising me
many miracle cures in his sundry bottles. If any of these potions could save
even one of my patients, I decided it would be worth it. I bought out his entire
supply of 12 potions.
After a couple of Jackals died under the knife, I examined a
Brown Mold. It was the first Level 1 patient I had seen and it had 6 Hit Points
and an Armor Class of 9. It seemed to be doing poorly but would then suck the
heat from my body and heal itself. I decided to leave it alone.
Found some odd writing near the wall of the clinic. Ad Aerium or
some such thing. Some of it was obscured. When I searched, I found a secret door
that led to a teleporter which placed me in a secure vault full of zorkmids.
When I couldn't find my way out, a guard appeared and forced me to give up all
of my money since he didn't recognize my name, Dr. Grunion Guy III.
I gave the Guard a free exam and found he was Level 11 with 54
Hit Points and an Armor Class of 0. I gave him a clean bill of health and went
I met a Gas Spore which turned out to be Level 1 with 1 Hit
Point and an Armor Class of 10. It exploded when I tried to examine it, killing
the Brown Mold and a Gnome who had just entered my clinic's waiting room.
Luckily, I survived and continued with my work.
My last patient of the day was a Lichen. It was Level 0 with 4
Hit Points and an Armor Class of 9. It needed emergency surgery but didn't
survive under my scalpel.
Today I earned a green gem, an Iridium Wand and an axe
(which I just couldn't accept, being a doctor and against violence of any kind).
3rd Generation, Clinic, Day Three:
Day Two was the worst day of work I had ever experienced. I lost every
patient except for the Guard and the Guard took all the money I'd made the day
before! I was broke but sure I'd have many more patients to deal with in the
My first patient of Day Three was a Yellow Mold. It was Level 1,
had 8 Hit Points, and an Armor Class of 9. It took a sudden turn for the worse
and could not be saved despite my best efforts.
Another Gas Spore blasted me and my clinic today. I really think
I need a secretary to keep the explosively dying outside.
Two Sewer Rats were examined by me. They were Level 0 with 3 Hit
Points and an Armor Class of 7. They didn't have much life in them and all I
could do was make them comfortable.
I found another secret door leading to a hidden vault but
refrained from entering lest the guard decide to take all of my money yet again.
No wonder those vaults are full of money. What a scheme!
I was paid very little today and am left wondering if my career
choice was a mistake.
3rd Generation, Clinic, Day Four
A new day and a new attitude! I'll make it the best day yet!
A Homunculus came in today with a catching case of Narcolepsy.
He was Level 2 with 15 Hit Points and an Armor Class of 6. I fell asleep during
surgery and it was curtains for him!
Another traveling salesman came to the Clinic today. His name
was Pakka Pakka and he was selling a little bit of everything. I really couldn't
afford anything after that guard had stolen all of my money. I bought a few
sandwiches from him and I was broke.
My only other patient for the day was a Giant Bat. It was Level
2 with 5 Hit Points and an Armor Class of 7. I prescribed it some medicine which
it must have been allergic to since it died right there in my clinic.
Well, it was supposed to be my only other patient, anyway. After a Rothe and an Iguana
both needed surgery at the same time, I had to put them to sleep with my Sleep
Wand before cutting them open with my scalpel. The way it turned out, I've
discovered I can't multi-task while operating.
After barely making any money in the clinic over the last three
days, I decided to take my healing routine to the less fortunate. I packed up my
things and entered the Gnomish Mines.
3rd Generation, Gnomish Mines, Day One:
It was dark in the mines and I had no light. I would have to be extremely
careful since I was a rich and respected Doctor and the natives were poor and
hungry. I could be assaulted here!
Patients I lost in the Gnomish Mines: Homonculus, Giant Ant
(Level 2, 11 Hit Points, Armor Class 3), Hobbit (Level 1, 3 Hit Points, Armor
Class 10), Kobold Lord (Level 2, 10 Hit Points, Armor Class 10), Ghoul (Level 3,
12 Hit Points, Armor Class 10), Coyote (Level 1, 6 Hit Points, Armor Class 7),
Fox, 2 more Giant Ants, Iguana (Level 3, 6 Hit Points, Armor Class 7), and Mr.
Patients I saved in the Gnomish Mines: Gnome (Level 1, 2 Hit
Points, Armor Class 10), another Gnome, Acid Blob (Level 1, 2 Hit Points, Armor
Class 8), Dwarf (Level 2, 9 Hit Points, Armor Class 8), Pony (Level 3, 14 Hit
Points, Armor Class 6), Gnome Lord (Level 3, 7 Hit Points, Armor Class 10), and
another Dwarf. Either I'm getting better as a healer, or people are just less
sick in the Gnomish Mines.
I thought things might be tougher in a 3rd world country like
the Gnomish Mines. But after having replaced my scalpel with a more formidable
knife (for both protection and making lacerations in the tough hides of various
natives), the day went very smoothly. I didn't receive anything very interesting
by way of payment today. Perhaps tomorrow.
3rd Generation, Gnomish Mines, Day Two:
Today was much brighter than the day before and I immediately noticed two
patients waiting for me: Grid Bug and Gas Spore. Reminder to me: get that
Patients too sick to heal: Peter Grid Bug, Daniel Newt, Carmen
Iguana, Nancy Gray Ooze (Level 3, 15 Hit Points, Armor Class 8), and Dexter
White Unicorn (Level 4, 14 Hit Points, Armor Class 2).
Patients I miraculously cured: Simon Gnome, Sally Dwarf, and
Favel Dog (Level 4, 12 Hit Points, Armor Class 5).
Patients I kindly escorted out of my clinic: Petrokov Gas Spore.
Patients who transferred their deathly illness on to me, causing me to die: Ricky Raven (Level 4, 30 Hit Points, Armor Class 6).
Death Lesson Learned: Falling in a pit and being blinded
by a Raven make it really hard to fight or get away.
Interesting After Death Facts: Having 20
unidentified potions when you're about to die doesn't actually help. Especially
when I've already identified Healing and Extra Healing so I know none of the
ones in my inventory are those.
Grunion Guy III placed 36th on the top 100 list.