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Grunion Guy I probably didn't need to add the Roman Numeral to his name to identify himself as the first of the series. But he knew his mission was a very dangerous one and he probably wouldn't succeed in it himself. Perhaps one of his great grandchildren 500 times removed might do it. Perhaps. So he set off into the Dungeons of Doom so that he might gain favour from his God, Mars.

A priest by trade, as well as a female, he descended into Level One. These are his notes found soaked in blood on Level One of the Gnomish Mines. The notes were written in a frilly pink diary with puffy unicorn stickers all over it.

1st Generation, Level One:
Interesting. Dipping a scroll in a Potion of Holy Water blesses it instead of ruining it like you might expect. This could come in very handy!

Not much else to report. Although being a Priestess comes in handy as I can tell when things are Blessed or Cursed.

1st Generation, Level Two:
It seems as long as you eat a Jackal Corpse immediately, it's fine. Hopefully this doesn't get future generations killed.

Found Cire Htims' hardware store. Purchased a Blessed Lamp to light my way in the Gnomish Mines which I'm sure are coming up soon seeing as how there are two stairways down on this Level.

The Blessed Lamp seemed like a lousy deal at 50 zorkmids, so I took the chance and rubbed it. In a cloud of smoke, a djinni emerged! He said he was in my debt and said I could wish for one item. Seeing as how I'm the first Generation and am avoiding Spoilers, I didn't really know what to wish for. So I wished for a Blessed Scroll of Genocide. That way if I got into trouble, I could read it and kill whatever was killing me (and all of its kin too!). But that tricky Djinni gave me a cursed scroll instead! Good thing I've got my priestess powers so I was able to see through his horrible trick!

I still had one Holy Water, so I dipped the cursed scroll into it and uncursed it. Now to find another potion of Holy Water so I can have what I originally wished for! Stupid tricky Genies!

I also discovered that I'm not much of a fighter. I almost died several times fighting Jackals. Perhaps I shouldn't have ditched my Kitten on Level One. That Kitten sure could fight! But he also kept eating all of my food. So, screw you, Kitten!

1st Generation, Gnomish Mines, Level One
Almost died immediately when I began bashing a sewer rat with my lamp. Remember to pay attention to all the games messages, kids!

Killed a Dwarf and took his Pick Axe. This should come in extremely handy!

Being a poor fighter, I was set upon by a host of gnomes and dwarves. Besting all of them, I was left with very little life when a rabid rat attacked me. I had many options for what could be my final turn. Use my Scroll of Genocide? Zap the rat with a random wand? Drink an unidentified potion? Read an unidentified scroll? I chose none of these. I decided to pray to Mars for help!

Mars is a big fat jerkface. He did not protect me as I prayed and the Rabid Rat bit my face off.

Death Lesson Learned: Don't pray to your God at the very beginning of the game because you weren't paying attention but you wanted to know the name of your God for a stupid story on a stupid web page because your God may not be there for you the next time you pray. Lousy God of Stupid War.

Interesting After Death Facts: Died with a Scroll of Genocide and a Wand of Polymorph. Also with a Blessed Scroll of Identify. But also had an unidentified Scroll of Fire. So reading random scrolls could have gone either way in helping out.

Mars was angry with Grunion Guy I. Yeah, duh!

Used 1 wish. Grunion Guy I did not wish for any artifacts. A-ha! So you can wish for Artifacts! Now to figure out what those could be for next time I get a wish!

Grunion Guy I reached 48th on the top 100 list.

Copyright 2006 NA!P