By Grunion Guy

   Back Index Next

Printable Version

 CHAPTER FORTY SIX
The Defiling of Dinah, Genesis 34:1 - 34:31.


THE FACTS!

Dinah goes out alone.

Shechem sees her boldly walking along, full of pride and boldness and decides she must be humbled.

Shechem takes her and lays with her.

Shechem falls in love with Dinah.

Shechem tells Hamor, his father, "You know that girl I raped? Make her my wife!"

Jacob hears that his daughter was raped by Shechem.

Jacob gets angry!

Hamor communes with Jacob.

Jacob's sons hear that their sister was raped by Shechem.

Jacob's sons get angry!

Jacob and his sons decide that Dinah ought not have been raped.

Hamor tells Jacob that his son loves Dinah and that they should share their women with each other so that Jacob and his people can live in the city as one with them.

Shechem says, "Say what I must do and I shall do it so that I may marry Dinah."

Jacob's sons grin evilly and say, "Only that thou and all the men of the city be circumcised will we allow you to marry Dinah and the other men to marry our other women."

Hamor and Shechem agree.

Hamor and Shechem commune with the men of the city and say, "Great news! If we let the newcomers live with us (for there is plenty of room), we may marry their hot, strange women!"

Hamor and Shechem drop another shoe. "But first, we must all cut our penises!"

The men of Shalem agree! Wait, what?

All the men of Shalem chop off a big hunk of penis!

On the third day after the cutting, Simeon and Levi march into the city and kill all of the men.

Simeon and Levi bring Dinah back to the pitched tents, as well as all of the goods, children and women of Shalem.

Jacob says, "What have you done? You have made me thtinky! And I, being few in number (um, one actually), shall be killed and murdered by the Perizziteth and the Canaaniteth! And they'll burn my houthe too!"

Simeon and Levi say, "So what? That douche nozzle raped our sister!"

 

STUDY QUESTIONS!
Question God and Religion!

Why did Dinah go about by herself to meet the women of the land? By the way Shechem and Hamor and Jacob and his sons talk later in the Chapter, it seems Dinah should have had plenty of women of her own kind to kibitz with. Were the daughters of Jacob's people boring? Or haggy? Or smelly and ugly? Was Dinah just a stuck up princess?

Apparently, Shechem thought she was stuck up! Why else would the King James Bible give the alternate translation for defiled as humbled? So, according to the Old Testament, to rape a woman is to put her in her place? I guess maybe that is just something the Shalemites do, since Jacob and his sons decide later that rape is something that not ought to be done to their sister. Way to take a heavy stand against rape, Jacob's brethren! So raping their sister equates to having one too many cupcakes. "Oh, I ought not to have eaten that last one!" And even though they kill everyone because of it, The analogy probably still stands since The Bible seems to punish people inappropriately anyway. So I can see everyone needing to die for eating one too many cupcakes.

So did Shechem fall in love with Dinah because she was really awesome at doing it? Because that's when his soul clave to her. He defiled her because she was out alone and not because she was hot or sexy or beautiful. So did he only realize he loved her after he saw her boobies? Was Dinah a butterface?

Did Hamor and Shechem really think a wedding proposal was an appropriate response to the anger of the family of the rape victim?

Dinah was raped by Shechem. She was the victim of a horrible crime. So how come The Bible spends zero words dealing with what Dinah thought or how Dinah felt? Shechem gets more emotional coverage when it says his soul clave to Dinah or that he spoke kindly to her after brutally raping her. We see how Jacob feels. We see how Dinah's brothers feel. But never one word about Dinah. How sexist is that?

Why is the whole city blamed for defiling Dinah? The Bible says as much, saying that the reason Simeon and Levi spoil the entire city "because they had defiled Dinah." I guess I should stop being surprised that punishments don't actually fit the crimes or rarely get administered to only the proper people.

Does The Bible justify the slaughter of all the people with the line that Shechem was more honourable than all the house of his father? Is The Bible saying that Shechem the rapist was actually the nice guy in town?

Why is Jacob so concerned that his sons just made trouble for him? They were defending their sister's honor! Or honour! Plus they scored a lot of loot and women for Jacob! And children too, if those are ever of any use to anybody. Jacob should be thanking them!

So, if some leader in your community came up to you (and you were a he) and said, "Dude! I just raped this sweet chick and her father is going to let me marry her! He's also going to let you marry your choice of the women that are with him. But first, you have to chop off some of your penis! You with me? Come on, dude! This is for my marriage!", would you do it? That was a rhetorical question because you would not do it. Nobody in their right mind would do it. The Bible is full of lies! It's one thing to say a bunch of people have chopped up their penises because the great big supreme being who completely governs everything in their lives told them they must if they want to continue in his good grace. That is believable because religious people do a lot of wacky things for religious reasons. But it's a completely other thing to say a whole city of men circumcised themselves so that their prince could marry the woman he just raped. Even if she were the most beautiful princess from the moon kingdom and he hadn't raped her at all, a whole city of men would not do that for one man, even if he were the greatest man in recorded history (like Ace Rimmer!). Okay, maybe they would do it for Ace Rimmer. But they definitely wouldn't do it for some rapist leader!

 

FAITH vs LAW
Rape

Law
Legally, rape is the worst thing that can be done to another person. It is worse than murder even. It's so bad that half the laws of the country are composed to deal with problems associated with finding out whether or not someone has been raped. Most of these laws are pretty easy to understand. Like, I'm pretty sure no means no. So if you want to sexually proliferate a woman's viaduct, you need to make sure she says yes. Otherwise, it is rape. But she can't say yes if she's had too much to drink. So you should always make her take a breathalyzer test before doing it to her. But if she says she's eighteen and she's actually younger than eighteen, then it is statutory rape even though she gave the number she was supposed to give and also said yes. So somehow, no always means no (unless she's being coy and giggly but it's better to go home without doing it if she never actually says yes or else you're probably raping her) and yes usually means yes but eighteen doesn't always mean eighteen. Yes only usually means yes because sometimes yes can mean no after the woman has thought about it for a day or two and decides she wants to take back her yes and make it a no. Then there are times rape means "We didn't have any physical contact at all but I wanted to get back at him for some reason or another and thought accusing him of rape would be a good idea" which ends up meaning rape in the regular sense unless someone gets the accuser to admit that her definition of rape wasn't the usual definition of rape. And even when that has been cleared up, the definition of the word rape goes back to the original definition and ruins the accused's life anyway. And rape rarely means rape if a woman did it to a man because people think the man should just feel lucky that he got some sex. But if a man does it to another man when the man has said no, then it's even worse than the normal kind of rape for some reason. I think somebody made a movie about this called The Prince of Tidewater, Montana or something.		 Faith
According to the laws of Shalem, rape must not be too illegal. In fact, it seems to be a wooing tactic and a precursor to marriage! But the Jews don't take too kindly to it, so they must have a modern sensibility toward rape. They also seem to find it the most despicable crime since they punish it so greatly. Not only do they punish the rapist, they punish the entire city! Maybe they've just learned well from their God and realize it's better to wipe out the whole world than to let one dishonest man live (although Abraham would have had a problem with that seeing as how he had a problem with the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah). And what if Dinah had been lying? What if she agreed to the doing it and then changed her mind afterward when Shechem became all clingy? Then a whole city would have been destroyed with the only evidence of the crime being one woman's word.
The Winner: LAW!
Law wins even if I didn't want it to win when I began writing about it. But at least Law tries to determine whether or not the crime of rape actually happened before it ruins everyone's lives. Although just the accusation of rape already ruins the lives of everybody involved anyway. But at least not everyone is circumcised and then slaughtered. So Law has to better than Faith's answer to the charge of rape! Unless you're a feminist or something that believes women never lie about rape and how dare any man question whether or not a woman is lying about such a horrendous charge.

 

 

HISTORICAL FACTS

Abraham really questions God and takes him to task for possibly destroying a bunch of righteous people along with unrighteous people, but when God tells Abraham to kill his son, he doesn't question it at all. It seems like The Bible is being very consistent with its characters! It only tells the story it wants to tell to get a certain point across at a certain time. So when The Bible wanted the reader to see that God was just and understanding and merciful, it shows Abraham arguing with God and making sure no good people died. But when The Bible wanted the reader to learn not to question God's will, it showed Abraham going off to kill his son at the drop of a frog's hat. People should demand better writing and greater consistency in their Spiritual Books.

The most unbelievable part of The Bible is when a whole city of men becomes circumcised so that one many can marry some strange woman.

The other night, I saw a woman buying cigarettes at a local convenience store. She told the clerk, "You can smoke *hack cough wheeze* twenty of these cigarettes *cough blood lung hack* and it's just like smokeing *wheeeeeeeeeeeeeze* one Marlboro!" For some reason, I couldn't help feeling that she had been misinformed somewhere.

A "Billion Dollar Baby" is someone who spends money extravagantly and not a solid gold baby with diamond eyes like you might have expected.

Pickle Boy's Historical Facts! #1 of 1000: The antimony pill was a laxative for olden times. It was a little lead ball people would swallow to relieve constipation. But it was expenseive [SIC], so once it had relieved the symptoms, they'd fish it out, wash it off, and then put it on the shelf for the next person to use it.

Pickle Boy's Historical Facts aren't funny. They're historical! That was a pun!

Pedophile laws are out of control and ruin many lives. This is because our laws take an arbitrary age that people are suddenly supposed to be interested in sex even though it's many years past when teens begin to masturbate and have sex themselves. So older men who have sex with younger girls who are sexually active yet still under the age of consent end up being treated and punished in the same manner as men who actually abuse young children. Also, Dateline promises lots and lots of hot sex with fresh young virgins and then cheat men out of a sure thing and replace the sex with arrest and stardom and court dates! No fair!

ESSAY ASSIGNMENT.
Choose one.

A. Compare and contrast the words compare and contrast.
B. Find some public place to sit and take notes. Write a detailed essay on all of the things you saw that prove God exists.
C. Think of ways to have sex with a woman that won't end up in jail time! Be very specific since the Law will probably find a way to tell you that you were wrong and label you a rapist or a pedophile.

 

DRAWING TIME!

Draw a scene from the epic battle where Simeon and Levi kill all the men of Shalem!

 

WHAT DID CHRISTIAN LITERALISTS LEARN?

Rape should be punished by killing all males living in the city of the rapist and enslaving the women and children. Also, if you can trick them into mutilating themselves before you kill them, that's good too.