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 CHAPTER TWELVE
The Call of Abram, Genesis 12:1 - 12:9.

THE FACTS!

God tells Abram to get out of the country and away from his family and out of his father's house (that part seems redundant).

God tells Abram he will bless him and make him a Great Nation and that he'll be blessed (that part seems redundant).

God says he'll bless all those that bless Abram and curse all those that curse Abram (that part's probably redundant).

At 75, Abram departs Haran and Lot goes as his sidekick.

Abram also takes Sarai and his brother's son (which is Lot!).

Abram also takes all of his stuff and all the soulds he'd gotten in Haran.

They all come into the land of Canaan. Hosanna! Unless that's later.

The Canaanites lived there so God said he's giving the land to Abram's seed.

Abram shrugs and leaves, heading East into Beth-el where he builds an altar to the Lord.

Abram calls upon the name of the Lord.

Abram continues wandering to the south.

STUDY QUESTIONS!
Question God and Religion!

Why does God choose to bless Abram? Is it only because he has to choose someone? Is it part of Noah's blessing on Shem? But still, why Abram? Why not Haran? Or Nahor?

Will we ever find out what happened to Nahor? Was he left behind for an unholy reason?

Will we ever find out what happened to Claire? Why did she leave her baby to go off with her dead father?

Why does God tell Abram to get lost? What kind of calling is that?

Why did Abrams create Lost? I think the survivors were in Purgatory but too many people on the internet guessed it so the writers took it in another direction.

How come God offers up Canaan to a bunch of his favorite dudes but then never lets any of them live there? Are they failures? Or was God just setting them up to fail? Or is it a lesson about nationality and descendants and God being more important than a single man? Isn't that hogwash?

God blesses all families of the earth in Abram. Does that mean the cursed families who cursed Abram also? Probably not! Those guys are jerks.

What does The Bible mean when it says Abram takes all the souls he had gotten in Haran? Is he a Pokemon trainer? Is he a missionary? Have I been missing that point all the time? Are those who are with the Lord actually spreading the word of the Lord and not just randomly special?

The Bible keeps semi-coherent genealogical records of Noah's family thus that thousands of years later, we can see who was sort of related to whom. So did Abram know any of his cousins when he entered Canaan? And did he know if they were fourth or fifth cousins or cousins thrice removed? Does anybody know the difference between those?

When Abram saw people were already in the land God sent him to see, was he disappointed that he didn't know the term 'Manifest Destiny'? His seed were going to learn the meaning though! Right after Moses dies or something.

I bet Jack and John were glad to see people in the land they found themselves, don't you? Up until Ethan tried to kill Charlie, of course. Then they were scared. Or mad. I forget!

Did you giggle at the phrase 'pitched his tent'?

Why does Abrams want Lost to end? Doesn't he like money?

Why does Abram build the altar east of Beth-el before leaving it and heading south? Was it just time to glory in the Lord again since he hadn't done it for awhile? Or was he marking territory for Jehovah?

Did 'into the land of Canaan they came' sound dirty to you too?

When the Lord appears before Abram east of Beth-el, does he tell him to head south? Is that why Abram builds the altar? Because he's followed God's advice and seen the land God wanted him to see and he was just trying to find out what to do next? Is building an altar like casting the I Ching?

The thing that makes America America is that Americans think that anything one does has to benefit at least that person or it isn't worth doing. So building some legacy for your descendants is out if you're not going to enjoy being a rich old jerk yourself. And suicide bombing is just plain stupid! Dying for your cause? Ridiculous! Find some 18 year old poor ethnic person to die for your cause while you reap outrageous amounts of money and power because of it! Um, the point is, Americans would never go, 'Oh yeah God? You're saying that land down there is mine? But only my great grandkids are going to enjoy it? You got another think coming, God!' And then he'd ride down on his horse, guns blazing and shifty treaties flaming!

To successfully capture a lot of souls like Abram did in Haran, you have to use the souls you've already collected to beat them up until they're very weak. Then you throw your Pokeball at the creature's head and hope it captures it.

It's a historical fact that I'll reference Pokemon a lot more in these commentaries. Maybe I'll move on to referencing Yu-Gi-Oh too! Trust the cards, Moses!

People who have written critical commentaries on The Bible, The Vedas, Dianetics, and The Book of Mormon are more abundant than those who have written critical commentaries on The Koran. And by abundant, I mean alive.

J. J. Abrams and his writers will probably never explain why The Others had a list of plane survivors that they were supposed to kidnap. My favorite characters on the show are the Ogre Hugo and the Hobbit Charlie!

A. Why does God tease Abram with the quick glimpse of Canaan?
B. Examine the link between the names of the Lost Characters and their relationship with island? How did they come to the island? Who are they named after? How big are their boobies?
C. What is the problem with Ur and Haran? Why does God tell Abram to leave those places? What is wrong with the people who live there? Why do some of them end up leaving with Abram to wander toward Egypt?

DRAWING TIME!

Draw the logo for the Dharma Station you would like to live in!

WHAT DID CHRISTIAN LITERALISTS LEARN?

Land can be given to people directly by God, thereby trumping the so-called ownership of people already living on that land.