SECTION ONE
The Creation, Genesis 1:1 - 2:3.
THE FACTS!
God created everything in
existence in six days. Except maybe the Light which he just gave permission
to exist and it existed, and possibly the herbs and grasses which he thought
up and then the earth did all the work sprouting them. I'd hate to jump to
conclusions already!
God saw everything was good.
God made two lights to light
up the sky, one to light up the day and a lesser one to light up the night.
He also made the stars! Which all seems rather redundant since he'd already
figured out light and apparently didn't need any source for it.
God created man and woman in
his own image.
God told all creatures to be
fruitful and multiply. Even ugly ones like Ostriches.
God also told man to subdue
the Earth and have dominion over all other creatures.
God tells men and beasts to
eat their vegetables.
God saw everything was VERY
good.
God rested on the seventh
day and decided everyone else should too, so he made it Holy.
STUDY QUESTIONS!
Question God and Religion!
How confusing is the phrase
'In the beginning' when we're supposedly dealing with an Infinite Being?
The Bible is pretty
mysterious about God's Origins. Who is he? Where did he come from? What's
his motivation for creating everything?
If God is infinite (and The
Bible hasn't been too clear on this yet), then it took him infinity before
he got around to creating everything. What was the hold up?
Why did it take God six days
to create everything? Does it have something to do with E=mc2?
Couldn't he have been more efficient?
Man creates because God
created Man in his own image. Man is also created. So do you think God was
also created? If so, by what? Was he a result of the Big Bang? Hee hee.
Does 'the spirit of God
moved upon the face of the waters' sound dirty to you too?
What did the Light and the
Darkness look like before God separated them one from the other? Was it like
an MC Escher print?
So God called the dark
'night' and the light 'day'. What good does that do him when he has no
cosmic model of the galaxy to determine actual day and night? Does he just
stand in the area he separated the light while he creates stuff and then
walks over to where he stuck the darkness for his night's sleep and then,
after hitting the snooze button a few times, heads back into the light area
to begin the new day?
What happened to the water
above Heaven? The water below the firmament became Earth. Where did the
water above the firmament go? Did it become the other planets and galaxies?
Did it become a bunch of other Earths? Perhaps God has some Chosen Aliens?
Is this proof of alien beings (Proof meaning facts from The Bible in this
context and not the correct way Proof would normally be used)? Or maybe it
just became rain?
How does God measure one day
before he creates the sun? God doesn't create the sun until the third day
and yet after creating the heaven and the earth, morning and evening are
mentioned.
What happened to the lesser
light God created to light up the night? The Bible couldn't mean the moon
since that's not a light; it's just a big rock!
Why does God only mention
Whales specifically of all animals? Are they his favorites? I'd say he
mentioned Cattle too but I'm pretty sure he meant sheep and cows and goats
and chickens. Maybe not chickens. Although chickens don't live in the
firmament, so probably chickens too.
Are people who eat meat
going against God as he seems to directly point out the grasses and herbs
and fruits as the food for men and beasts? This would seem pretty important
since the whole of creation only takes one and a quarter pages and about
twelve and a half cents of that is the vegetable diet part! Maybe it's
explained more after Adam and Eve really screw the pooch (not literally! I
don't think).
Why is the Arnold
Schwarzenegger movie called 'The Sixth Day'?
How could God create Man and
Woman both in his own image? I've seen men and women naked and one of them
makes my stomach feel funny and the other makes my stomach feel queasy.
FAITH vs SCIENCE
The Creation Myth
Science
Scientists believe the universe was formed by The Big
Bang. All matter in the universe exploded outward, seeding space to
create planets and stars. Science cannot even begin to explain what
was before The Big Bang. |
Faith Christians
believe the universe was formed by a Big Invisible Man. God created
all matter in the universe in six days. Christians cannot adequately
explain what the hell God was doing during the infinitude of infinity
before he made everything. |
The Winner:
TIE! Neither
Creation Myth can give an actual beginning without serious
presumptions and leaps of faith since infinity has no beginning,
whether it's God or Space or Time that is the infiniteness you're
talking about. Okay, Religion demands faith, so maybe it was supposed
to be that way. But it's still lame. |
HISTORICAL
FACTS
Christians regard Sunday as
the Sabbath and Jewish people regard Saturday as the Sabbath. The Bible
specifically states God rested one day and not the whole weekend. This means
that one group is breaking the Sabbath and has been forever. Hell sure is
going to be crowded!
People who smoke 'grass' and
'herbs' think everything is good or very good or groovy.
Whalers should probably
rethink their slaughter of the poor whales since God created whales first of
everything and even named them specifically. I can draw only one conclusion
from this: God loves Whales! Oh, wait! Two conclusions: God hates Whalers!
The moon doesn't make its
own light! It reflects the light from somewhere else, possibly Las Vegas. If
it's the 'lesser light' God created, then somebody made a big mistake!
The Bible is going to get a
lot of science wrong because Fact Checkers in the time The Bible was written
didn't have the internet. Of course, if The Bible were written today, a lot
of the science would still be wrong since the internet has Wikipedia.
ESSAY ASSIGNMENT. Choose one.
A. Write your own
Bible Book that takes place before Genesis. You should call it Flaming
Youth. B. Write a scene from man's point of view as he is created
and told what to do by God. C. Describe what God did on the
Seventh Day. Difficulty: No bestiality.
DRAWING TIME!
Based only on Genesis 1:1 - 2:3, draw
God.
WHAT DID CHRISTIAN
LITERALISTS LEARN?
God made everything in
existence from nothing within six days.
KNOW THY ENEMY!
This section will help you
understand the crazy arguments the disbelievers and unbelievers will try to
use against you. The unbelievers are Atheists, Heathens, and people of other
faiths (which I already covered in the 'Heathens' part but you might not
have noticed!). The disbelievers are a more insidious lot! They are the
Bible Metaphorists and the Cultural Apologists! They'll tell you they are
followers of Christ in one breath and then tell you the Bible is analogy and
you can't believe every word! Blasphemy! The Cultural Apologists are even
worse! They're people like Unitarians where they believe that being nice and
getting along is more important than following the Letter of God's Law! You
probably won't have to worry about them too much though. Because if you ever
get in a discussion with them, they'll probably change the subject when they
realize that your passion for Christ and the truth will cause a not-so-nice
and probably heated argument. They might even call you racist, homophobic,
or insensitive to try to win their argument! But even if you are those
things, it's only because God told you to be them and you'll be happy and in
Heaven while they're burning in Hell just so they could be nice to everyone
on Earth!
Atheists and Heathens are
not the only people who will try to argue the points of the Bible with you!
You must truly beware of the Bible Metaphorists who declare that the
passages in the Bible are merely metaphor or stories as opposed to Divine
Truth and history! These are the people you must be prepared to do witty
battle with! It is easy to argue with Atheists and Heathens! After circling
a point with them for an hour or so, just shrug your shoulders and go,
"Well, it all comes down to Faith anyway and you don't have any so
you'll never understand." That puts them in their place because it
shows they are lacking in Faith and they are also lacking in Intelligence
because you get the "you'll never understand" barb in there!
The Bible Metaphorists are
another matter entirely! They believe in things like Evolution and Science
when they should be believing in the Word of God! So they'll take the story
of Creation (which you've just read!) and say things like, "Perhaps the
six days is really just a metaphor for a longer expanse of time! Perhaps the
way in which God made all animals, plants, planets, and everything was
through evolution!" Well, why not just say God is a metaphor for the
Big Bang?! These people will try to undermine your Faith as subtly as the
Serpent undermined Eve's obedience! Do not let them! Do not get into
discussions where they try to point out that the strange and varying amounts
of creatures and the ways they act and look make more sense from an
evolutionary standpoint than from the standpoint of somebody sitting down
and thinking them all up! They may even compare God to a schizophrenic
because who would have thought up the Platypus right there from the start?!
They might try to point out how God would have had to revise and revise his
plans over and over! If he made man in his image, why would God give man an
immune system? Is it because God suffers from Omnipotent Viruses? Does God
produce water and bowel movements? Why would he develop blind fish but still
give them eyes? Why make birds and then decide he needed a few flying
mammals also? All of these types of arguments really boil down to the fact
that they just lack Faith in God's great imagination!
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