THE FACTS!

A mist rises up from the earth to water all the land.

God forms man from dust. As opposed to from nothing like he did the rest of everything.

God breathes life into man's nostrils.

God plants Eden and puts his man there. Probably the first Action Figure ever.

God made all the beautiful plants and trees grow in the garden. Also plants which are good for food. One tree is the tree of life. One tree is the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

Geography lesson: A river runs through Eden. The river turns into four rivers: Pison which surrounds Havilah and is filled with gold, bdellium and onyx; Gihon which surrounds Ethiopia; Hiddekel, or Tigris, which heads east toward Assyria; Euphrates which needs no explanation.

God puts man back in Eden since he must have wandered off during the Geography Lesson.

God either warns or threatens man that if he eats of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, he will die.

God finally decides something is not good.

God recreates all of the animals and puts them in the garden to 'help meet' Adam.

Adam names all the animals.

Adam finds not help meet.

God slips Adam a mickey or a ruffie and takes his rib.

God creates a woman from the rib.

Adam meets the woman and makes a dirty joke. He names her like he named the animals.

Adam declares men shall leave their father and mother to cleave unto a wife.

Adam and his wife were naked and were fine with that.

STUDY QUESTIONS!
Question God and Religion!

Why does The Bible sound like a babbling schizophrenic? Who decided Stanzas 2:4 - 2:6 needed to be included?

Why doesn't God make it rain to help out the earth and the green growing things? The earth has to do it all itself!

Does 'there went up a mist from the earth, and watered the whole face of the ground' sound dirty to you too?

How is there enough dust on the ground to make a man immediately after the earth squirts up its mist? Wouldn't it be mud now? At the very best, it would be a disgusting ooze.

Why does God breathe into man's nose? Is God homophobic? This should be proof for Christians that mouth to mouth CPR is evil and nose to mouth CPR is the one true way.

What kind of plants did God deem too ugly for Eden? Which plants would you leave out of your garden?

Today, we don't have any trees of life or trees of knowledge of good and evil. What other trees do you think existed in Eden that don't exist now? Perhaps the tree of philosophy? Or the tree of shameless self-promotion?

Do you think the geography lesson is appropriate at this time? I thought there was only one man and one location but apparently other places already exist, like Havilah and Ethiopia.

What is bdellium? Do you think it's radioactive?

Do you think Adam leaves the garden because God's geography lesson is boring? Is it because he is lonely and looking for something to help meet?

I think 'help meet' means fornication or wife. Do you agree? Which do you think it is? Would you marry a dog? Or a rat?

What names would you give the animals? Do you think Adam named the platypus? What about the Blue Footed Boobie?

What language do you think Adam spoke after just being formed from dust? Were all his animal names things like 'Gaaaahhblarrk!' and 'Floobidublipoo!'?

Do you think God is threatening Adam or warning him about the tree of knowledge of good and evil? Why tempt his newly created man? What a jerk.

Why would God use one of Adam's ribs to make woman instead of making her from dust as well? Is he showing off? Maybe he was mad at Adam for not marrying any of his animals and decided to punish him by making woman. I mean, punish him by taking a rib!

Did you giggle a little bit when Adam said 'Bone of my bone'?

Adam declares that man will leave his mother and father to take a wife. How does he know what a mother and a father are? Is he talking about a couple of dirt clods?

Get naked now. Do you feel ashamed? Why or why not? Look at a naked member of the opposite sex. Are you even more ashamed now? What changes is your body going through? Okay, that's enough. Put your clothes back on, pervert.

FAITH vs SCIENCE
Genetics

HISTORICAL FACTS

An actual garden containing every type of beautiful tree and every single animal would have to be the size of Earth.

Men have twelve ribs on each side of their body which my calculator says is 24 total. It is unknown how many ribs women have since they often lie.

Every time an animal came before Adam to be named, he would say, "I name you Penis! No, no, just kidding!"

The Garden of Eden smelled exactly like the University of Northern Colorado, Greeley, when the wind is blowing just right.

Adam was not a virgin when he met Eve.

ESSAY ASSIGNMENT.
Choose one.

A. Describe what you think Adam's first reaction to meeting Eve would have been.
B. Describe what you think Eve's first reaction to meeting Adam would have been.
C. Develop a scene of a typical day in Eden before anybody had any knowledge of good and evil. Difficulty: No bestiality. Unless nobody knew if that was good or evil. So maybe you can include that if it is essential to the story.

DRAWING TIME!

Based on the Geography Lesson in Genesis 2:10-2:14, draw a map of the world.

WHAT DID CHRISTIAN LITERALISTS LEARN?

It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!