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FYLEET,
By Jonathan Partington
THE WALKTHROUGH
By Grunion Guy
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* * * * * * * * * *
Garonian Guy Plays, I Mean, Explores 'Fyleet'
By Grunion Guy with partial transcripts from 'Fyleet'
The heroick adventurer Garonian Guy heard about an ancient Elven Kingdom called Fyleet which was destroyed by Orcs
and Hobgoblins. The dumb monsters looted the place and instead of taking the treasures back home to live in luxury and freedom,
they took them deeper into the ruins of the Elven Kingdom. What a dumb idea! Their families probably miss them!
But the great and legendary adventurer Garonian Guy did not miss them! In fact, he was going to not miss them right
in their heads and take their treasures away and live a heroick life of luxury because he was planning on taking
the treasures home instead of living in the dungeon afterward like a stoopid hermit orc.
Garonian Guy had spent the night before his adventure in an Inn where he had adult relations with many bar wenches
and also heard a rumour about an evil priest of Demnos named Zygmund. Apparently Zygmund had something to do
with the orcs and treasures or something but also his god (that Demnos guy!) was a big jerk according to
Garonian Guy's God, Hurgenpor (who was great and just and loved mighty winds).
So, Garonian Guy arrived at the ancient ruins after showering and eating a large breakfast because you should
never go adventuring on an empty stomach and with greasy hair. You never know when you might meet a princess or
a succubus! All around him was a thick pine forest which he knew better than to enter after trying a few times and
being killed by bandits each time so that he had to restart. I mean, it was a dream and so he knew better than to
enter the forest. So he stood in the forest pondering the large hole in the ground which was where the orcs
probably lived.
Knowing that he should probably find the treasure as quickly as possible, Garonian Guy headed
SOUTH
into the dungeon. Especially since he didn't want to be killed by the bandits or the evil scarecrow anymore.
The steps led several hundred feet into the ground which seemed pretty extreme. Wouldn't it be better to have
the entrance to your kingdom be only 20 or 50 feet down? If you're going to make someone travel several hundred
feet of twisty and turny passages, you really should offer them some sort of conveyance. Or at least a glass of
lemonade.
Garonian Guy entered a small square room with light shining in from the archway to the south. A closed door was
to the east but Garonian Guy ignored it because, being an experienced adventurer, he knew there was probably some
sort of long drop right on the other side of it. And even though, as an experienced adventurer, he would know to
be careful about opening doors, for some reason he couldn't help thinking he was just going to throw himself into
this door and probably drop into a cellar on the other side and break his neck. The architectural planning of this
place could have used a dwarf or two, probably. Elves really didn't seem to have a very good grasp of dungeon
layouts.
Ignoring all the exits for the moment, Garonian Guy noticed some items lying scattered on the floor: an empty bottle,
a bullseye lantern and a piano-accordion. An accordion? Really? What self-respecting elf would play an accordion?
Anyway, the lantern was sure to come in handy since it was a dungeon and Garonian Guy had not brought anything with
him to help him in his adventure, like a light source or a weapon. Perhaps all his supplies had been stolen by one
of the bar wenches he had done it with? He
TOOK ALL
of the junk lying on the ground and decided to head toward the light to the
SOUTH.
As he entered the next room which was large and rectangular and was magickally lit by a bright glowing near the
center of the ceiling, a fabulous bird flew over his head and crashed into a wall nearby, killing itself!
"Well, that was crazy," he thought to himself out loud. Nothing miraculous happened. Garonian Guy
TOOK THE PHOENIX,
deciding that perhaps a dead Phoenix might come in handy later in his adventures since he would probably get
hungry, seeing as how he had no provisions. He didn't even have a 10 foot pole!
"Perhaps I will play a dirge for this poor bird on my new accordion," he lamented. But he soon realized
he didn't know how to play any tunes on an accordion, even though he was the most legendary Singing Guy
in the history of Grunionia! "Drats!"
Garonian Guy looked around the room and saw archways leading north, south, east and west. "Well, being that this
seems to be the foyer to the kingdom (I guess that last room was an enclosed porch?), any of these exits will
probably take me deeper into the realm. Perhaps each led to a different district or maybe one way went to the
Elven Homes and another to the Business District while one led to the Royal Areas." Hitching up his pants and
preparing for a long exploration of the eastern area of Fyleet, Garonian Guy turned
ON
his lantern and headed
EAST...
right into a dead end. "What the banana? Dumb elves!" he cursed like his grandmama taught him to curse without
using actual curse words. At his feet was a two-foot-square mat that was inscribed with ancient theurgickal runes.
"Wow! I don't even know the meaning of theurgickal!" yelled Garonian Guy. "This must be a magick mat which
describes itself in a way that I couldn't describe myself! I wonder what it does? I bet if I knew the definition
of theurgickal, I'd have a clue!"
Garonian Guy tried to wipe his feet on the mat but nothing came of it. So he
TOOK THE MAT
and headed back
WEST.
Back in the glowing room, he headed
SOUTH.
"Surely this will lead to a great adventure and not just a dead end like that other stupid exit!"
He entered a T-junction with passages leading off to the north, east and south. "Well, at least I'm getting
somewhere!" Garonian Guy headed east and entered a small room with a deep well in the center. He glanced down it and thought,
"Boy, that's totally unclimbable. If I had a rock, I could probably drop it down this well to hear a splash!
Or maybe if I just dropped anything? No, because I probably need everything I have right now. Especially if I'm
ever going to defeat that scarecrow which I haven't really talked much about because it was so traumatick."
Garonian Guy checked his pockets for a penny but he was broke. He tried to make a wish anyway.
"WISHES DON'T COME FREE YOU KNOW," intoned a deep voice.
"SOOOOOOOooOOOOooOOORRRY!" yelled Garonian Guy to the voice in a way that showed his feelings had been hurt by being
yelled at when he really wasn't trying to do anything wrong. "Maybe I'll find a penny or something later and I'll be
able to get a wish that will help me find more treasure!" he planned.
Garonian Guy wandered back west to the T-junction and then headed
SOUTH.
In the middle of the southern passage stood a statue of a seated man. Or seated a statue of a seated man, probably. It said,
"Beware Demons!" as Garonian Guy approached it.
"Well," pondered Garonian Guy, "I am not a demon so I have no need to be wary!" He began walking past the statue when he
realized, "Hey! Statues can't talk! I should investigate this!" He tried pulling and pushing the statue but that got
him nowhere. He did manage to climb it but he felt silly perching on top of it and quickly climbed back down.
"Oh well. I guess this statue is just to warn demons to be careful!" Garonian Guy continued to the
SOUTH.
Garonian Guy entered a grand hall, no doubt used [as] a ceremonial chamber by somebody at some time! Yeah, no
doubt! That was some clever deduction on his part! But there was nothing of value and nothing of interest here
except for all the passages leading off in all compass directions. "Sheesh! I should have brought some
mapping materials," he thought as he headed southwest.
Garonian Guy entered a small shrine to his god, Hurgenpor. There was an altar there, covered in various glyphs
and wards designed to prevent the undead from dropping in uninvited. "Aha! An altar to my god! But what does he
want? How do I communicate with him? Is he real or just a figment of man's imagination?" Being a sort of church,
Garonian Guy tried to pray but nothing miraculous happened. He then beseeched his god by calling out his name.
"Hurgenpor!" But he realized that wasn't really a proper way to ask for divine assistance. "Maybe I should
kneel while I pray?" he thought.
Garonian Guy knelt down on the ground but found it too uncomfortable so he stood back up without even trying
to pray. "Boy, Hurgenpor must think I'm the laziest and wussiest adventurer ever! I can't even bare to kneel on bare
ground! If only I had something soft?" He fiddled with his dead Phoenix for awhile, considering how lumpy that
might be to kneel on. While he did this, he accidentally dropped the mat. "Hmm, that could work!" Garonian
Guy knelt down on the mat and prayed.
"You are not yet worthy to take part in the final quest, to sack the temple of Demnos!" shouted a regal voice. Probably
the voice of Hurgenpor!
"Really? I'm on a quest to sack a temple? I just thought I was looting an ancient ruin! I guess I have to prove
myself then. I wonder how I do that? I guess I'll just collect as many treasures as I can and leave them here in
safety, since all these glyphs and wards should protect my stuff. But I'll take my mat with me because I may need
to pray over some difficult puzzles elsewhere in the dungeon." Garonian Guy picked up his mat and headed back
to the northeast.
Back in the Grand Hall, Garonian Guy decided to head
WEST.
He quickly stumbled upon a large knight dressed in green armor. He saluted Garonian Guy and said, "Brave
Sir Garonian, I challenge you! I have an axe here: deal me a blow with it, and I shall return you the compliment
when we next meet." Garonian Guy shrugged, took the axe and lopped off the Green Knight's head. The knight's body
stumbled around a bit before finding its head and picked it up, promising Garonian Guy that they would meet again.
"Well, I certainly hope not!" thought Garonian Guy as he felt his neck. After the Knight left, Garonian Guy found himself
in a passage with exits to the east, west and southwest. He decided to head southwest and hopefully score
some points. I mean, find some treasures.
Garonian Guy found himself in a maze of twisting passages, sighed and headed back to the room where he chopped
off the knight's head. "Who wants to deal with a maze when I can't even kill a scarecrow?" Garonian Guy headed
WEST
instead.
He entered a large room filled with a cloud of evil-smelling fog. He could not get through it. "Now I know what
evil smells like though!" he chirped happily. He turned to leave and then considered the fog once more. "It
smells evil. And my god is good! So maybe I should pray on this!" He
DROPPED THE MAT
and knelt down to
PRAY.
A mighty wind blew through the room, dispersing the fog cloud completely. "Ha ha! I'm a genius! And, um,
Hurgenpor is all powerful!" With the fog cleared, Garonian Guy noticed he could now continue west or south. He
TOOK THE MAT
so that nobody would steal it and headed
WEST.
He entered a short passage between two gateways. At the western end, some steps lead downwards into gloom. But
the steps were blocked by a heavy locked iron gate. "I probably need a key to unlock this gate! But the parser
doesn't even understand the word 'key', so maybe there is a way to climb the gate or force my way past!"
Garonian Guy kicked the gate and tried to climb it but couldn't get past. Out of frustration, he
SHOOK THE GATE
and it waggled open. "What? I mean, I really am a genius! No help from Hurgenpor needed here!" Garonian Guy
headed
WEST
down the stairs.
Garonian Guy found himself in a dingy little basement flat. A dungeon in the dungeon! The only exit was back
up the steps which looked like they had been carved by a Dwarf since they were the nicest feature in the room.
Sitting on the floor was a large block of amber!
"My first treasure! I'm surely going to become rich now!" He
TOOK THE AMBER
and headed back up the steps to the
EAST.
"I should probably head back
EAST
to the Shrine so I can free up some arm space. I really should have brought a backpack! And lunch. And a weapon.
And a light source." He continued
EAST and
EAST and
SOUTHWEST
until he was back in the shrine. Once there, he
DROPPED THE PHOENIX AND THE BLOCK
for now. He headed back to the
NORTHEAST
and decided to explore to the
SOUTH
before exploring the south exit in the fog room.
Garonian Guy entered a chamber with a deep lake about fifty feet wide. On the far side of the lake was another
passage leading south. He could see strange forms swimming in the water. "I might as well
FILL MY BOTTLE
while I'm here and hopefully not get killed by those strange forms," he prayed. He successfully filled his
bottle with water and successfully didn't get killed even though he'd heard rumours of other adventurers
dying after doing just about anything in Fyleet.
Garonian Guy dipped a toe in the water and considered swimming across seeing as how he was a Super Hero and
swimming and talking to fish were some of his best abilities. Oops!
I confused Garonian Guy with me, Grunion Guy! Ha ha! Ignore that! But those forms in the water didn't look like
any fish he knew of and he knew of most of them. So instead of risking being clawed to pieces by whatever
those things were, he decided to head back to the
NORTH
and into the Grand Hall. At least he got some water. Thirst is the fourth leading killer of dungeon adventurers who
spend all their time cavorting with bar wenches instead of preparing for their explorations. From the grand hall, he
headed
WEST and
WEST again
until he was back in the formerly fog filled room. Now he headed
SOUTH
into a long corridor. In the middle of the passage, he found his second Treasure! A Golden Ring! He
TOOK THE RING
and considered placing it on his finger. "Hmm. That's just the sort of trap unwary adventurers would fall into. I better
find a room with more light so I can get a better look at this ring before I put it on!" Garonian Guy put the ring
in his pocket and continued
SOUTH.
He entered a huge square room. In the northwest corner was a giant dressed all in blue and in the southwest corner
stood a giant dressed all in red. They were taking turns hurling boulders about and the ground was littered with
rocks. "What a stupid game," chastised Garonian Guy. Insulted, the giants began trying to squash him with their
rocks! The red giant hurled one and it fell short of Garonian Guy. But the blue giant was getting ready to hit
Garonian Guy and he was much closer. He was sure to kill Garonian Guy if he didn't get out of the way.
Garonian Guy hurried
SOUTHEAST
to squeeze up against the middle of the eastern wall so he'd be far enough away from both giants and not be
squished. The blue giant's boulder fell just short of Garonian Guy. But the red giant was readying a boulder also! "I
could probably remain here and not get hit by either Giant. But I should explore the far corners of the room. I should
be out of the red giant's range if I head north right now, so here it goes!" Garonian Guy scurried
NORTH
and the red giant's boulder fell well short of him again. On the wall in the northeastern corner was scratched the
word 'MARA'. Garonian Guy committed the word to memory to try it out later (because it was certainly magick and
probably different if read by somebody else so you might need to replace MARA with TIDUS or ACHU or something else) but couldn't
do it now or he'd get splattered by the blue giant's next rock. He scooted
SOUTH
to avoid that. He then
WAITED
until the red giant threw his next rock and scooted
SOUTH
to explore the southeastern corner of the room.
Lying on the floor in the southeastern corner were some papers containing squiggly writing. Garonian Guy
didn't have any time to pick them up because he'd be smashed by the red giant's rock which was headed his way at this very
moment. He ran back
NORTH
to avoid catastrophe. "I'm sure those papers are important!" he yelled over the pounding of rocks landing all over the room.
Remembering how the wind blew when he prayed earlier to the fog, he decided that could probably work to blow the papers
to him here too! He
DROPPED THE MAT
and began to
PRAY.
The papers blew right to him! He
TOOK ALL
the stuff lying at his feet. Even though the room was really loud from pounding rocks and cursing giants, he still decided to
READ THE PAPER
while standing in the safety of the eastern edge of the room. Perusing the papers carefully, Garonian Guy realized the
squiggly lines meant nothing to him. The writing eventually vanished as he read it and he knew, somehow, that he had
profited from the experience. "Squiggly lines, hunh? That sounds like Musick!" Garonian Guy pulled out his piano-accordion
to see if he actually had learned anything.
Garonian Guy
PLAYED THE ACCORDION
and this time he was surprised to play a rousing fantasia by Karg-Elert (an interesting composer)! It made him feel more
cheerful!
He could see there was a doorway against the southern wall but the red giant was again preparing to throw another boulder,
so he
WAITED (unless the blue giant was preparing to throw one. Pay attention here! Save often!)
until the rock hit the ground a little ways away from him and then walked
SOUTHWEST.
He hurried
SOUTH
out the door and found himself in a low north-south corridor with a passage heading west. An iron colander sat on the ground.
"Why is this here? I must be near either a kitchen or a wild orgy!" Garonian Guy
TOOK THE COLANDER
and headed
SOUTH.
The room which he now entered looked as though somebody had just held a wild party there. Various debris was scattered
round about, none of it useful. A demi-god that strongly resembled Bacchus sat on the floor looking very depressed.
"Being that I'm a Singing Guy Who Tells Stories Guy (although a Singing Guy who just recently learned how to play
a tune on this dumb accordion), I guess there is only one thing to do to cheer up this drunk! Play him a song!" Garonian
Guy
PLAYED THE ACCORDION
once again. It was the same rousing fantasia that he'd learned from the squiggly lined paper that made him cheerful earlier. Even
Bacchus was stirred from his melancholy, tapping his feet merrily to the musick. Bacchus looked at Garonian Guy
gratefully and thundered, "I believe I can do something useful for you in return, oh mortal!" He clapped his hands
and then beamed in a self-satisfied manner. Mists then swirled about him and when they cleared, he was gone.
Garonian Guy checked out his inventory to see what had changed and found his bottle of water had been changed
into a bottle of wine. "Part-eee!" he cheered but refrained from guzzling it since it was probably going to be
useful later. "That guy was pretty cool! Maybe I should worship him instead of Hurgenpor whose name I can never quite
remember and certainly can't pronounce!" Garonian Guy dug around the room for awhile hoping to find some dirty
magazines or some spilled drugs. Because a Singing Guy is always in the mood to party! Unfortunately, Bacchus probably
already ate and drank and nastied up everything that could be eaten or drunken or stuckied up anything or anywhere. So
Garonian Guy headed back
NORTH
and then wandered off to the
WEST.
He was in a low east-west corridor with a room further west. "Why does this hallway exist? Can't I just enter the
room to the west in one move instead of having to waste time in this featureless hallway?" He typed, I mean, trudged
WEST
yet again.
He entered a large elliptickal room whose only exit was to the east. At the western end was an exceptionally large
postbox, prominently labeled H.R. after the King Hildebrand (who was King of Traken, Garonian Guy's liege lord until
his death 12 years ago). Garonian Guy could also hear an angelick choir singing a voiceless chant over and over again.
Being a Singing Guy Who Tells Stories Guy, he knew musick and could tell they were singing the following notes: B,
A, D, G, E. "Weird," he thought. "I bet sometimes they might even sing a song to the tune of B, E, E, F or C, A, B,
B, A, G, E! I'm sure that musick is some sort of clue as to what I should post in the post box, so I should keep
my eye open for a badge!" Having explored the whole area past the fog room, Garonian Guy headed back
EAST and
EAST and
NORTH and
NORTHEAST and
WAITED and
NORTHWEST and
NORTH and
NORTH and
EAST and
EAST and
SOUTHWEST and
right back into Hurgenpor's Shrine to decide what to do next. He also decided that
SAVING
often was a good idea if he wanted his Bank Account to grow.
Once back in the shrine, he
DROPPED EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE LANTERN
before wandering back to the
NORTHEAST
to explore some more. From the Grand Hall, he headed
EAST
and found himself in a small ante-room. A sign here said, 'Carmel Sprout Memorial Library.'
"Oh boy, how exciting! A library in a dungeon!" Garonian Guy headed east even though he knew he was going to be
bored out of his mind in a stupid library. Maybe he would find a solid gold
book or a diamond studded card catalog! Instead, he saw an antique chair and a large book with the word 'DEMNOS' on the cover. And a skeleton-like creature!
It screamed at Garonian Guy in some jibber jabber devil tongue!
"Whatever he said can't be that important if he didn't say it in
my own language!" Garonian Guy huffed. He tried taking the chair since it was obviously worth a few Goldoons
but as he walked up to it, the skeleton waved his arms, sending Garonian Guy flying out of the library!
"Why, that jerk! I'll show him!" Garonian Guy picked himself up and headed back to punch the skeleton right in his
stupid face. He marched back in and swung at the skeleton who, once again, waved his hands and sent Garonian Guy
flying away. "Hmph!" Garonian Guy stood up and
HEADED BACK TO THE GRAND HALL and
EAST
back into the Ante-room. He
DROPPED THE LAMP
and headed
EAST
into the library. The skeleton screamed at him again but this time, Garonian Guy made the same obscene gesture
that the skeleton had been making, which was kind of a
WAVE
with a little sissy flourish at the end. "Begone, Foul Fiend!" cursed Garonian Guy and the skeleton screamed and
vanished. "Ha! Stupid skeleton should be more discrete with his spells!" He then ransacked the library by
TAKING THE CHAIR AND THE BOOK
and nothing else since, really, there was nothing left in the place. Then he left, heading
WEST
back into the ante-room where he
TOOK HIS LANTERN
and, for good measure,
TOOK THE SIGN
as well. He headed back
WEST and
SOUTHWEST
back into the shrine where he
DROPPED THE CHAIR, SIGN AND BOOK
for now.
Garonian Guy was feeling a bit claustrophobick and decided he should head up to the surface for a bit (even if that
scarecrow he kept mentioning was still up there). He
TOOK HIS MAT AND THE RING
and headed toward the surface by going
NORTHEAST,
NORTH,
NORTH, and
NORTH
once more. As he was walking through the room with the magickal glowing light, he decided to
WEAR THE RING.
He took a good look at it under the light and everything looked okay, so he put it on. As he did,
shadows formed and crept toward him from all around. Garonian Guy might have screamed like a little bitty
girl but no one can ever prove it since the shadows were the only things that might have heard him and they
disintegrated under the bright, magickal light before they could fully take form. "I don't know what good this ring
is going to do for me but I'm sure it will come in handy for some reason. I hope it isn't evil!"
Garonian Guy continued
NORTH and
NORTH
again. Once again outside the ruins of Fyleet, he headed
EAST
where he arrived in a part of the forest where the trees were particularly high and there were no bandits or scarecrows.
It seemed like a holy enough place so he
DROPPED THE MAT and
PRAYED.
Coincidentally and at the same time also, a mighty wind blew through the forest and knocked a sword from the
trees! It was glinting with a green light and the hilt bore the name 'Killworth'. "Well! Once again, good fortune
smiles upon me seeing as how I was probably going to need a weapon at some point on this adventure and I left mine
at home like a big dope!"
Garonian Guy
TOOK THE MAT AND THE SWORD.
As he picked up the sword, he smiled. "That darn scarecrow won't push me around any more!" He headed
WEST and
WEST
again and into the newly-tilled area looked over by the evil-looking scarecrow. Garonian Guy shuddered and wielded his new sword
which had, conveniently, just turned blue and was now named Whittle.
"I imagine if the sword had been green or pink, I wouldn't be able to kill the scarecrow and he'd kill me instead!
What a weird sword!" Garonian Guy swung his magick blade in order to
KILL THE SCARECROW.
The mighty sword Whittle sliced into the scarecrow before it could unleash
its nightmare horrors that had haunted Garonian Guy for hours now. The scarecrow was whittled down to a few bedraggled
remnants which collapsed in a heap before Garonian Guy.
"Wow! What an epick battle! I'm truly a great hero!" Garonian Guy decided he might need it for some reason later, so he
TOOK THE SCARECROW
with him. "I guess I should investigate the newly-tilled soil also! Maybe I'll find a carrot!" Garonian Guy
DUG
but didn't find anything. "Well, I'm only using my bare hands, so maybe if I give it a little more effort, I might find
that carrot!" He
DUG
again but was disappointed that he didn't find a carrot. All he found was the fabled Orb of Halgamir. He
TOOK THE ORB
and headed back to the shrine by going
SOUTH and
SOUTH and
SOUTH and
SOUTH and
SOUTH and
SOUTHWEST
into the shrine. Once there, he
DROPPED THE SWORD, MAT AND SCARECROW,
PICKED UP THE BOOK
and headed back into the dungeon.
Garonian Guy remembered a story about the famous elfin leader Halgamir. It had something to do with weasels and fruitcake
and a trip to the shaman. But the important part was that, in the story, Halgamir walked on water. Perhaps the Orb was
the secret to that power! He headed
NORTHEAST
and then
SOUTH
and wound up back at the underground lake with the scary shapes in it. "Here goes nothing!" he gulped as he stepped out
onto the water's surface. It worked! He sauntered across the lake, the claws of the evil-looking creatures narrowly
missing him as they swung at his feet. He ended up on the south side of the lake with a passage continuing to the
SOUTH.
He headed down it.
Garonian Guy came to a crossroads. Lying in the middle of it all was a yellow duster. He
PICKED UP THE DUSTER
and headed west. It happened to be a dead end and sitting in the dead end was a jewel-studded parrot. It squawked,
"Hail Great Halgamir!"
"Cheese it, ya dumb bird!" cursed Garonian Guy, "Before you attract a party of Hobgoblins and they take me away and
torture me to death!"
"Hail Great Halgamir!" the parrot squawked again. Garonian Guy hustled out of the room and back to the crossroads before
the parrot got him into big trouble. "I'll deal with him later!" Before heading south, Garonian Guy thought he'd read a little
bit from the book. He glanced at the cover and was just about to open it when he remembered reading a book review of this book
in the 2nd Grade! It went something like this:
'My book report is on the book of DEMNOS! It really, really sucked because I didn't even get to read any of it before I was
transported to an underground temple to Demnos, surrounded by orcs who were attending a service conducted to the evil
Zygmund! And I probably don't have to tell you how that turned out! If I do, then you're dumb
or possibly perverted.
Anyway, don't read this book."
It was a trap! Garonian Guy figured that information could come in handy very, very soon! He wandered off to the
SOUTH
and ended up in the monastery of the mystick monks of Fyleet! The walls were decorated with scenes of processing monks.
Garonian Guy
WAITED
in the room while admiring the decorations when a monk entered the room. He did a flying face destroying kick at Garonian
Guy who was just able to run back to the crossroads before getting defaced by that jerk monk! "Ew! I'll show him!" trickeried
Garonian Guy, caressing the book of Demnos. He headed
SOUTH
again, just in time to see the monk leave the room ahead of him. He
DROPPED THE BOOK.
Another monk entered and chased him from the room yet again! He decided to
WAIT and
WAIT and
WAIT and
WAIT
until the coast was clear before heading
SOUTH
yet again! He entered further into the monastery by skulking
SOUTH.
He was following just behind another monk who hadn't noticed him as he entered the sanctum of the evil monk Cadoc!
From here, he headed
SOUTHEAST.
Now he was in a curving corridor which led him to the
NORTHEAST
where he came to the cell of the wicked friar Thorlac! From here, he continued to the
NORTH.
Following another curved passage to the
NORTHWEST,
he ended up in the headquarters of the chief monk, Polycarp the black! Sitting on his desk was a valuable pendant of his!
Garonian Guy
TOOK THE PENDANT
and hustled out of the office to the
SOUTHWEST.
He was back in the entrance of the monastery! He hurried to the
NORTH
and was free from the monk's wrath!
Garonian Guy put on the pendant and headed
EAST.
"Ugh! A maze!" he screamed as he entered the maze of chambers. Every chamber had a pair of stone columns guarding either the
west and east exits or the north and south exits. And occasionally when he entered a chamber, the columns had moved so they
were guarding the other exits! Eventually, he made it to a small chamber deep in the maze where the long lost tapestry
of Fyleet was hanging. He
TOOK THE TAPESTRY
and eventually found his way back out to the crossroads. "Boy! That maze was way too random to ever describe in story and
song! Maybe I can draw a
MAP
of it later! I'll make it so A is the first room you enter and then each room is labeled with a letter and the exits are the
room you enter. Man, if someone can't read my map, why would they be adventurers in the first place? Go play Halo (which I'm really good at, by the way!)!"
"Now to deal with that crazy parrot! I guess he won't think I'm Halgamir if I don't have the orb. So I'll leave it by the
lake and just pick it up when I cross over." Garonian Guy headed
NORTH and
DROPPED THE ORB
by the lake. Then he headed back
SOUTH and
WEST.
The parrot was quiet! He
TOOK THE PARROT
and headed back
EAST.
He headed
NORTH and
PICKED UP THE ORB
since he'd need it to cross the lake even if the parrot started acting crazy again, which it did! "Shut up, you stoopid
bird!"
Garonian Guy ran
NORTH
across the surface of the water and
DROPPED THE ORB
on the other side which shut the bird up. He headed
NORTH
and then
SOUTHWEST
and was back in Hurgenpor's Shrine. He
DROPPED THE PARROT, TAPESTRY AND PENDANT
before heading
NORTHEAST
and then
SOUTH to
GET THE ORB
and bring it back to the Shrine. Back to the
NORTH
and then
SOUTHWEST
again, he sighed as the bird screamed its head off before he even had a chance to
DROP THE ORB.
"Dumb bird! I've had enough of you! I'm tossing you down the well!" Garonian Guy
PICKED UP THE PARROT
by its neck and dragged it out of the shrine to the
NORTHEAST.
He headed
NORTH
into the passage with the statue. As he passed by, he castrated it, saying, "Dumb statue! Say something different
already!" He continued
NORTH and then
EAST
into the room with the deep well.
"Take this, you stupid bird!" he giggled as he
DROPPED THE PARROT
into the well. He heard a distant and very satisfying splash. "Hee hee! I bet you
WISH
you could fly, hunh?"
When Garonian Guy said the word 'wish', a deep voice boomed, "The following wishes are available today:
1. A bottle of best Chateau Falite Wine.
2. A Huge Golden Plate.
3. The ability to Pass Without Trace.
4. The ability to Walk on Water.
5. The gift of Accordion-Playing.
6. The gift of Comprehension of Strange Tongues.
7. The power of Floating like a Feather.
"Wow! Those are some good wishes! But I have wine, I can walk on water and I know how to play the accordion now.
So those are out! And I don't really need a plate or want to understand whatever stupid monsters are trying to
tell me. Boring! I'm proud of being part fish, so I don't need to Pass! So I guess I'll choose
G,
or, um, 7, the Power of Floating like a Feather!"
"Granted!" claimed the voice!
"Wow! Throwing that parrot down the well allowed me to make a wish. Now I feel kind of bad. Maybe the magick word
I learned earlier can bring him back?" Garonian Guy cleared his throat and yelled,
"MARA!"
Suddenly, the jeweled parrot flew jerkily out of the well (because it was a big jerk!) and collapsed on the floor near
Garonian Guy. "Neat!" He
TOOK THE PARROT
and headed
WEST
back to the T-junction. "I guess I'll explore some more!" he bubbled and jauntily proceeded
NORTH and then
WEST.
Garonian Guy came to an irregular crossroads where he could continue to the west, south or northwest. He headed
NORTHWEST
to another fork in the corridor and continued to the
WEST.
"More tunnels?" he sheeshed as he entered a three-pronged fork and continued
WEST.
"Finally! Something besides tunnels!"
He entered a high corridor with sooty black walls. The way west was completely blocked by vast sticky webs.
"I wouldn't like to meet the spider that spun those," he thought. "Unless it was a philanthropick spider!" He peered
closely at the web and the sooty black walls. "I wonder if I can
BURN THE WEB?"
he wondered as he lifted his
LANTERN
to get a closer look. As the webs were struck by his lantern, they caught fire and burned furiously for a few minutes.
Eventually they were entirely consumed by the flames, leaving the way west open to Garonian Guy. He
PICKED UP HIS LANTERN
since he must have dropped it in the chaos and headed
WEST
which led into another dead end. But this dead end wasn't so bad because there was a monstrous great sapphire
in it!
After Garonian Guy calmed down and picked himself up from the fetal position he'd fallen into when he heard the
phrase 'monstrous great', he
TOOK THE SAPPHIRE
and headed back
EAST and
EAST
again. Back at the 3-pronged fork, he headed
SOUTHWEST
this time where he found himself in a cavern with green walls. "Green?! Like that knight that wants to chop off my head?!" gulped
Garonian Guy who didn't want any part of that nonsense and hurried to the
EAST.
Garonian Guy entered a large chamber decorated with paintings of heroes running away from monsters. "Those are the worst
heroes ever and they still got portraits done of them! I bet I get a gigantick statue made of me!" dreamed Garonian Guy.
The south wall was covered by a dirty mirror and since Garonian Guy just happened to have a feather duster on him, he
decided to
DUST THE MIRROR. After he did so, he could see the word TOOTH in the mirror.
"TOOTH?"
asked Garonian Guy and was surprised to see the mirror dissolve into mist. He passed through it and discovered himself
in a chamber with a picture of a hero being eaten by a Jabberwock. A window pane on the north wall had the word
MAXIMA written on it. And there was a platinum bust of the late King Hildebrand here! Garonian Guy patted himself on the
back for his great adventuring and treasure finding skills and
TOOK THE BUST.
"Now how do I get out? MAXIMA!" he said and waited to be dragged through the window . But nothing happened.
"AMIXAM!"
he ekops because he was behind a mirror and this time the pane dissolved into mist and he found himself back in the room
with the mirror.
Garonian Guy now headed
WEST
and then
NORTHWEST.
He entered a room and saw some kind of spook! She resembled a young lady with a ghastly white face. She noticed the head
Garonian Guy was carrying under his arm and decided that he was also some sort of spectre. She faded away, leaving Garonian
Guy to loot the room like the great vandal adventurer he was! An ancient portrait of an old man entitled 'Cabarwis' was
sitting in the room so Garonian Guy
TOOK THE PORTRAIT
and headed back to the
SOUTHEAST.
His arms were getting full of fantastick treasure, so Garonian Guy decided to head back to the shrine. He headed
NORTHEAST and then
NORTHEAST again and then
EAST and then
SOUTHEAST and then
EAST then
SOUTH and then
SOUTH
where he arrived back in the room with the statue. This time it said, "Don't lose your head when meeting undead!"
"Hey! You think you're some smart guy, don't you? Giving me a clue that I don't need anymore! Jerk!" Garonian Guy stomped
off to the
SOUTH
mumbling under his breath. He then headed
SOUTHWEST
and back into the Shrine of Hurgenpor. He
DROPPED THE PORTRAIT, THE BUST, THE PARROT, THE DUSTER AND THE SAPPHIRE.
"That was a pretty good haul! But I bet I can do better on my next outing. I better bring some wine along in case I get
thirsty. I've been at this for quite awhile now!" He
TOOK THE BOTTLE
and left to the
NORTHEAST.
He then headed
NORTHWEST
and followed that corridor further
NORTH.
Lying in the middle of this corridor was a plain wooden staff. "Interesting. I guess this could come in handy somewhere!"
He
TOOK THE STAFF
and, being a bit confused by the dungeon because he didn't bring any graph paper, he wandered back to the
SOUTH.
He then headed
SOUTHEAST
and was back in the grand hall. "Oops! I must have made a wrong turn. Oh well, I guess I'll keep heading this way!"
Continuing to the
SOUTHEAST,
he ended up in a narrow passage with an archway leading
SOUTH.
He ducked under the archway and found himself in a bottle-shaped room with lamps lit high above him. A persistent droning
sound droned on and on, perhaps made by some creature or a property of the acoustics of the room. He couldn't quite
reach the lamps so he swung his new found staff at them, trying to knock one down. In the process, he accidentally
DROPPED THE STAFF.
He left it on the ground for now as he tried to
CLIMB
the walls.
"*** ABORT occurred from a non-exit ***" screamed a computer voice from somewhere in the darkness!
"Eeep!" Garonian Guy
LOOKED
around to see where the voice was coming from but discovered nothing. Until he noticed the staff in the room began to twitch and
change abruptly into a venemous-looking snake! "I bet it doesn't just look venemous! I bet it is venemous! And it might be
poisonous too but I'm not going to try eating it!" The snake began to wriggle and then, lulled perhaps by the droning sound,
fell asleep. "Aww! It's cute! I'm going to call it Sammwich and take it with me!" Garonian Guy
TOOK THE SNAKE
and exited the room to the
NORTH.
He followed the corridor to the
SOUTHEAST
and into a bend in the corridor with a huge barrel and a Teutonick war-helmet with a vicious spike on top.
"Well, that could come in handy!" he thought and
TOOK THE HELMET.
As he did so, he suddenly felt extremely thirsty. Garonian Guy gulped down his wine and belched. "Good thing I was prepared
for thirst! I mean, I guess I could have been prepared before even entering Fyleet. But any adventurer knows anything you
need can always be found in the dungeon, so why bother packing?!"
Garonian Guy headed
EAST
to the end of the corridor. There was a passage high above him and a broom lying on the ground. He
TOOK THE BROOM
and instantly tried
RIDING THE BROOM.
But he didn't know the magick word so nothing happened. He headed back
WEST and then
NORTHWEST and then
NORTHWEST
again and back into the Grand Hall. He looked around and decided he hadn't tried the
NORTHEAST
passage yet so that was where he went next.
In the next room was a rather ornate fountain. Water streamed in from high above and appeared to soak away at the base.
The water seemed unnaturally turbulent but it was probably just Garonian Guy's awesome imagination. Lying in the fountain
was a huge ruby! He
TOOK THE RUBY
and watched the waters bubble menacingly. But the powers with which his ring was charged seemed to keep the water at bay.
Or else it was still his imagination! Who knew?! Since the water was most likely harmless, he
TOOK SOME WATER
to refill his bottle and headed back to the
SOUTHWEST.
His arms were pretty full again so he entered the Shrine to the
SOUTHWEST and
DROPPED THE RUBY, THE RING, AND THE SNAKE.
He also decided to
WEAR THE HELMET
since he had no armor of his own. It just seemed like the smart thing to do! And since he was gearing up for battle, he
TOOK HIS SWORD
too! He headed
NORTHEAST and then
NORTHWEST.
He readied his sword and entered the room to the
WEST.
Garonian Guy found himself in an underground barn. Everything was made from wood and there was a hayloft above him. Dust
covered the floor and a wizard was casting a spell at him from across the way. A wizard?! Eep! Garonian Guy reached for his
sword so he could stab the wizard in the face. Instead, he grabbed his bottle of water. As he pulled his arm forward,
thinking he was removing his sword from his scabbard, he managed to
THROW THE WATER
at the wizard instead. The water flew through the air just as a giant ball of fire appeared from the wizard's fingertips! It
was instantly quenched! Seeing that he was a total and complete failure, the wizard vanished.
Garonian Guy sighed in relief and began coughing and sneezing from all the dust. "This place sure could use some cleaning!"
He
SWEPT THE FLOOR,
revealing a trapdoor! He
OPENED THE TRAPDOOR
and jumped
DOWN
into the secret cell beneath the barn. Inside was a silver candlestick! "This place is just chock full of treasure!
What did those stupid orcs do? Just kill the elves and steal some baubles before hiding deeper down in the bowels of the
place? They sure missed a lot of good stuff! Or I'm just the most genius ingenius adventurer ever!" He
DROPPED THE BOTTLE and
TOOK THE CANDLESTICK
in his arms. He climbed back
UP
to the barn and then climbed
UP
to the hayloft. As Garonian Guy scrambled into the loft, something looking like an animated white sheet fell upon him.
It impaled itself on the spike on his helmet and fled, yipping and crying and rustling as it shuffled off. A bale of hay
sat in the loft. Big surprise! Garonian Guy
TOOK THE BALE
and climbed back
DOWN.
He headed
WEST
to find out what the wizard might have been guarding.
Garonian Guy walked down a long corridor surrounded by thick hedges. At the end, an angry-looking weed barred his way!
It rustled its thorny stems in a menacing manner! He struck at the plant with his blue sword but the blow didn't have much
effect and the plant sneered at him! "I guess the sword needs to be the right color and name before it can chop up a
weed. Probably pink when it is called Roseblade!" Garonian Guy
WAITED
until his sword was pink and then
ATTACKED THE WEED!
Roseblade hacked through the plant and it scooted away screaming to go cry with the sheet monster from the loft.
Garonian Guy headed
WEST.
Entering a large glade, Garonian Guy spotted an elegantly carved wooden fish with huge pearl eyes sitting on the ground. He
TOOK THE FISH
and continued west. The avenue ended at a well-tended grave surmounted by a large gravestone. The legend on the stone said,
"Here lies the mighty warrior Fairservice, who died in his quest for adventure. Weep for him, oh passing stranger." Garonian
Guy kneeled down by the grave and began blubbering like a girl with a skinny knee. But it wasn't very convincing because
he was just pretending anyway. And he was a real manly hero who didn't know how to cry which made it practickally impossible
to even pretend to cry even! So he shrugged and headed back to the
EAST and then
EAST again into the barn and then
EAST and then
SOUTHEAST and then
SOUTHEAST and then
SOUTHEAST by the barrel and then
EAST
into the dead end with the high passage above. He
DROPPED THE HAY BALE
here so that anybody who wanted to jump down from up above would have a safe landing. Plus it might attract a nice, hot
southern girl with her top tied so you could see her belly button while she chewed on a piece of straw and wore shorts
that were short. Or it might just help him later in the adventure! Satisfied, he headed back
WEST and then
NORTHWEST and then
NORTHWEST and then
SOUTHWEST
back into the shrine. Once back inside, Garonian Guy
DROPPED EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE LANTERN. He
PICKED UP THE PHOENIX AND THE DUSTER
but couldn't think of any good reason why he was going to adventure with all of those feathers. "It just seems like a good
idea at this time!"
Garonian Guy wandered
NORTHEAST
and then remembered the door at the bottom of the stairs he climbed to enter the ruins. "The one that was trapped and trying
to get me to fall to my death! But I made a super secret wish and can now survive that fall!" He happily ran
NORTH
where he smacked the statue on the back of the head as he passed it. He ran even more
NORTH
past the T-junction and still further
NORTH
under the magickal glowing light thing and finally
NORTH
into the tiny foyer with the door. He took a deep breath and said something cliché and then ran
EAST
at the door! The door snapped open rather easily, as if he could have just cautiously opened it and looked inside. Instead,
he ran in place in mid-air for a few seconds and then took out a sign with an arrow pointing down and then shrugged his
shoulders and then plummeted twenty feet to the cellar floor. Except he didn't actually plummet. He drifted down as gently
as a feather.
Lying at the bottom of the drop was a stupid gnome who must not know about opening doors cautiously. He was injured from the
fall and very pleased to see Garonian Guy. "I am Odulforg the gnome! I have been trapped here for several days! We must
escape before the servants of Demnos find us!" The beginnings of an escape tunnel were beginning all over the
eastern wall.
Garonian Guy began trying to dig but the Gnome yelled at him. "That's no way to dig a hole! I wish someone would bandage
me up, and I'd get us out of here in no time! As it is, we'll probably starve to death. Oh how depressing!"
"Boy, what a way to act!" thought Garonian Guy and hoped he didn't say it out loud or else the Gnome would hear all of it
and probably get mad. Or madder. "Here I am, a great adventurer, here to rescue this dumby who can't even operate a door
correctly and he thinks he is the one who is going to save me? If only he were bandaged! Boy, if I had a bandage, I would
probably save him and he'd dig the hole and think he saved me!"
Garonian Guy
BANDAGED THE GNOME
thinking that maybe he'd tear his shirt off or something. He wrapped the bandage around Odulforg. It must have had magickal
properties because it seemed to merge with Odulforg's flesh, restoring him to health. He was soon dancing around the room
merrily, apparently fully healed! Garonian Guy checked his inventory to see what he used as a bandage. The feather duster
was missing, so that was apparently the bandage. "Hunh?" he thought wisely and then shrugged.
Garonian Guy waited for the Gnome to start digging the hole but he wouldn't start digging. So Garonian Guy tapped his foot
and chewed on his nails and wondered why the jerk wasn't digging already since he seemed so keen on his digging skills just
moments before. But he just kept dancing away, so Garonian Guy decided to
DIG
his way out on his own again. He didn't do a very good job. Which Odulforg immediately pointed out.
"That's no way to dig a hole! Let me show you!" With mining ability remarkable for his tiny size, he scratched away at the tunnel
in the east wall. He soon broke through into another room where Garonian Guy could hear his delighted voice calling him. So
Garonian Guy ducked down and headed
EAST.
As Garonian Guy appeared in the new corridor, Odulforg dashed off to the right, yelling, "Look! There's a Sikh..." And then
his voice disappeared. Garonian Guy was glad to be rid of him. He decided to not follow the jerko gnome and headed
NORTHEAST.
The corridor happened to dead end here which the gnome probably knew instinctively which is why he ran the other way. But in doing
so, he missed the golden plate left here by some rich litterbug! Garonian Guy
TOOK THE PLATE
and headed back to the
SOUTHWEST.
He continued along to the
SOUTH
as the passage turned and entered a small circular chamber.
"Something seems wrong about this place," thought Garonian Guy as he ignored his feeling and instead exited to the
SOUTH.
Another dead end! And another treasure! A massive opal had been left here by some careless rich person. Maybe it was the same
person who left the plate! He
TOOK THE OPAL
and headed back
NORTH
to the circular room.
"Well, lots of dead ends but nowhere else to go. And yet, no gnome? When I last heard him, he was saying something about
a Sikh?" Garonian Guy leaned against the
WEST (or whatever. Try all directions!)
wall and blundered through a secret door. "Hey! Look at that! This must have been where the Gnome and the Sikh went!" He
was now at the foot of a long staircase. Since the door had closed and locked behind him, all he could do was head
UP and
UP.
He finally arrived at the landing which continued to the
SOUTH.
Wandering out on the landing, he found he could head west or south toward an abyss. He headed
WEST
since it seemed much safer and walked into yet another dead end. "Stupid elves!" And again, someone had left something in
this dead end as well! It was a magick wand! Garonian Guy
TOOK THE WAND
and headed back to the
EAST
and then trudged off, carefully, to the
SOUTH.
The abyss was just a few yards away now and he could see a faint glow deep within it.
"I wonder if there is anything down there I need? I can fall like a feather! But that just doesn't seem safe. I'll take a
little peek." He inched close to the abyss to look down and stumbled! As he reached out to catch himself on a jagged piece of
rock, he accidentally
THREW THE PHOENIX
into the abyss. It plummeted out of sight. But in a few moments, it bloomed forth from the embers, returning to life like
an, um, you know. It flew off squawking something that sounded like 'MKINFO' but might have sounded like something else to
someone else. "Hmm, that word is probably important. I should remember it!" thought Garonian Guy wisely and showing his
experience to boot. He nodded sagely and continued
SOUTH
where he came to a sheer drop of about thirty feet. Having nowhere else to go, he
JUMPED.
"Wheee!" he wheeed until he thudded down on a nice soft bale of hay that someone had luckily left here! "Hey! That was me!"
he thought proudly. He
TOOK THE HAY
and headed back to the Shrine to get rid of some more treasures. Thinking people might want to know his exact route when they
hear the fabulous song of this adventure, he went
WEST and then
NORTHWEST and then
NORTHWEST again and, finally,
SOUTHWEST.
Back in the shrine, he
DROPPED THE OPAL, HAY AND PLATE.
He then
PICKED UP THE SCARECROW, COLANDER AND CHAIR.
"This stuff should be useful in my next foray into the dungeon. I think I'll tackle another maze now!" Garonian Guy marched
off to the
NORTHEAST and then
WEST.
"It might
SAVE
time if I just run through the maze as fast as possible! Here goes!" He ran
SOUTHWEST
into a confusing maze of passages. He then ran
EAST and then
EAST and then
EAST and then
NORTH and then
SOUTHWEST and then
SOUTH,
emerging from the maze of twisty passages. "I guess if at any point during that maze run, if I'd absent-mindedly wandered
off in a random dirction or lost one of my possessions, I could have RESTORED my subscribtion to Adventurer's Mazes Weekly."
Garonian Guy emerged from the maze in an east-west corridor. The maze was to his north and two twisting tunnels lead to the
southwest and the southeast. Different types of money littered the ground. He decided to ignore the money for now, since
nobody seemed to have picked it up to this point in time and headed
WEST.
He entered a high corridor lined with gargoyles. "Hmm, I have a hunch those gargoyles would tear me apart if I tried to get
by them. Maybe I can distract them with my scarecrow!" Garonian Guy lifted up the scarecrow and said (in a high-pitched voice),
"Oh my! I think I'll go for a walk! I'm soooooooo tasty!" He then
THREW THE SCARECROW
down the corridor! None of the gargoyles took the bait. "Oh
PEACH!"
he swore, since he had been taught not to use swear words but say fruit names instead. As soon as he said 'Peach', the wand
throbbed violently and a spark shot out, hitting the scarecrow. It came to life and staggered down the corridor. One of the
gargoyles came to life and swooped down upon the poor hay man, tearing him to shreds and flying off in the distance to
digest his meal.
"Ha! It should be safe now!" hoped Garonian Guy as he continued
WEST.
He gulped down his fear as he entered a high chamber with many more Gargoyles high up on the wall. He continued
WEST
and hoped he wouldn't be torn to shreds like his friend, the evil scarecrow. The passage continued for some reason. "Stupid
elves! What's with all the useless corridors?" He went
WEST
once more and came to yet another dead end with a treasure in it! It was an ancient ikon that depicted scenes of human sacrifice.
Gross! But worth money (and points!). Garonian Guy
PICKED UP THE IKON
and headed back to the
EAST.
And, of course,
EAST
again. And, um, well,
EAST
again because of the stupid elven architect who didn't know what he was doing. And, yes,
EAST
once more. He was back at the pile of money and even though he was tired of doing it, he walked
EAST
one last time. Or not last. But hopefully last for a few turns anyway. Or minutes.
The long trip eastward finally ended in a room ten feet high with a hole in the ceiling. "Good thing I brought my
antique chair along!" he shouted, loud enough for a group of passing Hobgoblins to investigate and kidnap him and
torture him to death. I mean, he said it so loudly that that could have happened but he was lucky that it didn't
happen. He was still alive and in the process of
DROPPING THE CHAIR. He
CLIMBED THE CHAIR
and got muddy footprints all over the back of it. Teetering from the top of the fragile chair, he was able to jump
to the hole in the ceiling. Inside the small room was a bone inlaid with precious stones. "I bet this belonged to the
rich dog of that rich person who has been losing all of their stuff in various dead ends all over Fyleet!" He
PICKED UP THE BONE
and climbed back
DOWN.
"I guess I'll head
SOUTHEAST!"
he sighed. As he tried to leave the room, he ran into an invisible barrier. A light flashed and the words "Ye may enter if ye
bare onlie a holey relick" appeared before his eyes and then faded away. "Ha! I get it! It wants me to think it wants a Holy
Relick but really it wants a Holey Relick! What an easy riddle to an adventurer who makes spelling mistakes which aren't
really spelling mistakes all of the time!" Garonian Guy
DROPPED EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE COLANDER
and tried going
SOUTHEAST
again. He stepped past the barrier and the light flashed again. But this time, he was through and his colander had vanished
into thin air.
Garonian Guy was in a chamber decorated with pictures of holidaymakers sitting on sandy beaches. He could go northwest, southeast,
south or east. The sacred spleen of Pancras sat before him. He
PICKED UP THE SPLEEN
and headed
SOUTHEAST. He
DROPPED THE SPLEEN
(which was disgusting anyway) and headed
SOUTHEAST.
Lying on the floor here was the Heart of Valentine. The room was decorated with scenes of lovers. "Oh! Well, this room
seems an appropriate resting place for this relick! But I'm sure I'll have to move it around
before this puzzle is solved."
He left it for now and went
NORTH.
This room was decorated with pictures of angry travelers embarking on a steam-driven engine. Some mystick sunglasses of Tropez
had been left here. He
PICKED UP THE GLASS
(which was odd that he had to refer to the sunglasses as a 'glass' and not as glasses or sunglasses. But that was just the
way he was raised. Probably.). He then went
WEST and
DROPPED THE GLASS
in the seaside room. He skipped
SOUTHEAST and
SOUTHEAST
again to the lover room and
PICKED UP THE HEART.
He hauled it
NORTH and
DROPPED THE HEART
in the angry steam engine room. Now he went
WEST and then
SOUTHEAST
where he'd left the gross spleen. He
PICKED UP THE SPLEEN and took it
SOUTHEAST. He
DROPPED THE SPLEEN
and went back to the
NORTHWEST. He went
NORTHWEST again,
PICKED UP THE GLASS and took it
SOUTHEAST where he
DROPPED THE GLASS.
He sighed. He now went
NORTHWEST and then
EAST and
PICKED UP THE HEART. He took it
WEST where he
DROPPED THE HEART.
He sighed again. He then headed
SOUTHEAST and
SOUTHEAST again,
PICKED UP THE SPLEEN and headed
NORTH. He
DROPPED THE SPLEEN
in the angry room where it belonged. "Aha! One down! Three to go!" He headed
WEST and then
SOUTH
where he entered a room decorated with pictures of madly pirouetting dancers. The toe of the blessed Vitus had been left
here. "Ugh! Pee-yuke!" He
PICKED UP THE TOE and danced
EAST with it. He
DROPPED THE TOE and headed
NORTHWEST.
"I need a plum break!" he cursed as he
PICKED UP THE GLASSes.
"Mystick sunglasses, hunh?" He
WORE THE GLASSes
and a concealed exit in the southwestern wall suddenly appeared. He headed
SOUTHWEST and
DROPPED THE GLASSes. He headed
NORTH,
PICKED UP THE HEART and headed
SOUTHEAST with it. He
DROPPED THE HEART
in the featureless passage and continued
SOUTHEAST.
He ignored the nasty little toe and headed
WEST. He
TOOK THE GLASSes and went
NORTH.
"Aha! Two down!" he exclaimed as he
DROPPED THE GLASSes
in the seaside room. He then went
SOUTHEAST and then
SOUTHEAST again. He
PICKED UP THE TOE and took it
WEST. He
DROPPED THE TOE.
"Three down! Almost done!" He headed back
EAST and then
NORTHWEST where he
PICKED UP THE HEART
and dragged it to the
SOUTHEAST.
As he entered the last room with the final relick, there was another flash of light and a voice mumbled, "Thanks, the relicks
have long needed rearranging correctly. Well, you'd better be off now. I'll see you get paid for your trouble." Garonian
Guy looked around to see he was back in the small room with the hole in the ceiling. All of his possessions he'd left were
still here along with a pile of jacinths! He
TOOK ALL
of his junk and decided he should head back to the Shrine to unload his goodies once more. Even though that meant
navigating the maze backward! "Well, if anyone can do it, I can!"
Once again, he
SAVED
some time by running through the maze really quickly. He headed
NORTH
into the maze and then
SOUTHEAST and then went
NORTHEAST and then went
SOUTH and then went
SOUTH again and finally went
NORTH
whereupon he was out of the maze!
"Whew! Now back to my treasure pile!" He headed
EAST and then
SOUTHWEST
and was greeted by his pile of treasures and other goodies. Not that they waved or said hello or anything. He just saw them
there. He
DROPPED THE CHAIR, BONE, IKON, AND WAND.
Then he
TOOK THE SNAKE AND THE MAT.
"This should do it for now! Time to head back through the maze!"
Garonian Guy headed
NORTHEAST and
WEST. He headed
SOUTHWEST back into the maze, again heading
SOUTHWEST,
EAST,
EAST again,
NORTH,
SOUTHWEST and
SOUTH.
He left the money lying on the floor for now and headed
SOUTHEAST
into a gloomy looking passage. To his west, he noticed an imposing-looking portal and the passage continued to the southwest.
"I'll just ignore that portal for now even though I'm sure it's very important to solving the very next puzzle which
I'll be coming upon in the next room." He continued
SOUTHWEST.
The next room happened to be a dusty quarry whose walls were totally unclimbable (just like the well!). A solid-looking
slot machine was here which bore the legend 'Hippogriff Rides 35 Groats: Please Insert Exact Fare'. The number zero was
currently illuminated on the slot machine.
"I bet this machine takes all forms of currency, just like the different forms of currency I found earlier! I guess I just
have to figure out which ones add up to 35 Groats (or however many Groats other adventurers might need when they arrive at the
slot machine because it probably changes all of the time, inflation being what it is)."
Suddenly, Garonian Guy remembered his time as a Weeblow Scout and how he earned his Currency Exchange Rate Badge! He remembered
1 Currency Note equaled 81 Groats, 1 Golden Noble equaled 27 Groats, 1 Electrum Coin equaled 9 Groats, 1 Silver Piece
equaled 3 Groats and 1 Bronze Token equaled 1 Groat! But no combination of the currency lying on the floor outside the
maze equaled 35 Groats! Something was amiss!
"Aha! That portal I ignored but knew was important to this puzzle! I bet if I carry currency through it from the west side to
the east side, it will make the currency negatively charged and thus worth a negative amount instead of a positive amount! I'm
a genius!" So Garonian Guy did the math and realized he just needed to carry the Bronze Token through the portal. He headed back
NORTHEAST and then
NORTHWEST. He
PICKED UP THE BRONZE TOKEN and headed
SOUTHWEST.
He was now in a cheerful room with the portal on the east side.
"So, going from the cheerful room to the gloomy room should make my money negative!" Garonian Guy jumped
EAST
through the portal! He looked at his bronze token but it still looked the same. "I hope it worked!" He headed
NORTHWEST
to get the last of the money he needed to pay for the hippogriff ride. He
TOOK THE GOLDEN NOBLE AND THE ELECTRUM COIN
and headed back to the ride machine by going
SOUTHWEST and then
SOUTHEAST. He
INSERTED THE NOBLE
and saw that the machine now read 27. He then
INSERTED THE COIN
and the machine's display changed to 36. Last, he
INSERTED THE TOKEN.
The machine made a loud ringing sound and a large hippogriff swooped down into the quarry. Garonian Guy got up on its back
and it carried him high above the forest and into the mountains. It dropped him off on a rock ledge and flew away.
"Hey! What the lemon?!" Garonian Guy was now stranded on a ledge high up the mountain. He found a small tin badge here that
bore the words, 'Hippogriff Rider.' "Oh! I need this badge for that room where the angels were singing way back at the
beginning of my adventure." He
TOOK THE BADGE
and put it on. Jumping off the ledge would probably kill him, so Garonian Guy headed
SOUTH
into the mountain.
A symbol of Hurgenpor was inscribed on the wall halfway down the dark tunnel. "Oh! A mini-shrine!" Garonian Guy continued to the south
where the floor became extremely hot. He began hopping from foot to foot and noticed Mr. Humpty Dumpty sitting high on a ledge
overlooking the burning floor. Garonian Guy headed back north and
DROPPED THE MAT.
He knelt down to
PRAY
and as he did so, the mighty wind arose again from nowhere, blowing down the tunnel. Garonian Guy
PICKED UP HIS MAT
and heard a cry from somewhere nearby. He
WAITED
to see if he could hear where it was coming from and he realized it was Humpty Dumpty yelling from the
SOUTH.
He ran into the hot floored tunnel just in time to see Humpty Dumpty give a final wobble and
topple off the wall.
Garonian Guy put his arms out and saved Humpty Dumpty's life! He was very grateful that Garonian Guy saved him from Hurgenpor's
wrath! He thanked him profusely and lectured him on standing below falling masonry. Afterward, he climbed back up the wall
and threw down a jeweled cravat as a reward. Humpty Dumpty then disappeared into some unseen chamber. Garonian Guy
TOOK THE BELT
and was driven
SOUTH
by the hot floor.
Garonian Guy arrived at a T-junction and headed
EAST
into some sort of larder. Someone had left an onion, a piece of beef and a piece of cabbage there. He
TOOK THE ONION
and headed back
WEST.
He figured he didn't need the beef or the cabbage since those were just alternate objects that those angels could have
been singing about earlier. Maybe some other adventurer might need them and hopefully those other adventurers have been
paying close attention to their game instead of just following my exploits exactly. He headed
WEST
again into a large cavern which smelled like rotten cheese. A gorgon-like creature sat in the
room not staring at Garonian Guy and thus not yet turning him to stone. He had to get past the gorgon and her snake-like hair!
I guess Sammich is going to have to help me out here! I bet he knows those hair snakes!" Garonian Guy kissed his pet
goodbye and
THREW THE SNAKE
at the gorgon. It landed on the floor by her. She gazed at it in rapt contemplation as if communing with it. While she was
busy staring at it, Garonian Guy snuck
NORTH
past her and out onto another ledge. The hippogriff was waiting for him and he hopped on its back and flew away. It
dropped him off back in the dusty quarry by the hippogriff ride machine.
"One final time through the maze!" He headed
NORTHEAST and then
NORTHWEST and then
NORTH back into the maze. He ran
SOUTHEAST and then
NORTHEAST and then
SOUTH and then
SOUTH again and then
NORTH
and out of the maze. The onion was making his eyes water which gave him an idea! He headed
EAST and then
NORTHWEST and then
WEST and
WEST and
WEST and
WEST
one last time. He found himself at the grave of Fairservice where he was supposed to cry but couldn't because he's such
a manly man. "I'll do it this time though!" He steeled himself and
ATE THE ONION.
His eyes began watering and a single tear fell onto the grave of Fairservice which momentarily became a riot of colour as
exotick flowers bloomed all over it. A voice spoke: "Oh, adventurer! I too tried once to achieve glory as you do now.
I possessed two onyx stones, which gave me power, and in consequence I was known to the adventuring world as the
bi-onyx man. Ill befell me one day: one of the onyxs was destroyed and I was slain by a giant badger. I pass on to you now
the other stone, that it may aid you in your search for glory." The flowers faded and vanished and nothing remained on the
surface of the grave except a brilliant onyx! Garonian Guy
PICKED UP THE ONYX.
"Back to the shrine again!" He ran
EAST and
EAST and
EAST and
EAST! He then headed
SOUTHEAST and
SOUTHWEST. Garonian Guy
DROPPED THE BELT AND THE MAT and
TOOK THE BALE OF HAY AND THE SIGN.
"There sure is a lot of running around in this treasure hunting!" He headed
NORTHEAST, and
NORTH and
NORTH and
NORTH and
WEST and
NORTHWEST and
NORTH!
Garonian Guy wandered into a rabbit-warren of passages. He had no idea which way to go. "I need a sign!" he thought
as he rubbed the library sign thoughtfully. "Oh! Hey!" He
DROPPED THE SIGN
and it now read, 'HOT AS SUET'. "Aha! An anagram for southeast!" He
PICKED UP THE SIGN and headed
SOUTHEAST.
In the next room, he dropped the sign and rearranged the letters and picked the sign back up and followed the
direction again. He did this 7 or 8 more times until it led him to the center of the warren where he found a carved
elephant's tusk made of solid ivory. He
TOOK THE TUSK and headed
EAST. He headed
SOUTH
and was back at the north-southeast and west fork.
"That was fairly painless," he stated proudly to himself. "I must have found nearly all the treasures in this place by now!
Those skanky wenches back at that Inn are going to be all over me when I get back! I bet I watermelon a couple of them
hardcore!" He wandered off to the
WEST
with his giant hay bale under his arm. Then he headed
SOUTHWEST and
SOUTHWEST
once more. From the damp room, he sauntered
SOUTH
into the cavern of Mnem where he found it hard to concentrate. A crystal figurine was lying there. He
TOOK THE FIGURINE
and almost forgot why he had come to the ruins of Fyleet. But then he set eyes on his onyx and remembered his solemn duty. It
must have been a Mnem-onyx! "Ugh. Adventurers sure need to know a lot of puns to survive. I wonder why that is?" He headed back to the
NORTH and then
WEST.
The stable Garonian Guy just entered was filled with a Nightmare! The huge creature looked like a huge horse, breathing
noxious vapours and rearing up on its hind legs! "Whoa Nelly!" snickered Garonian Guy. He pulled the hay bale out of his
pocket and
FED THE NIGHTMARE.
She eagerly munched the offered hay and lost all of her ferocity, becoming just a friendly old nag! Garonian Guy
PICKED UP THE SHIELD
that was lying by the Nightmare and left the room to the
EAST.
"Just a few more trips back and forth to the shrine and I should be ready to kill Zygmund or Demnos or whoever I'm supposed to defeat!"
He headed
NORTHEAST,
NORTHEAST,
EAST,
SOUTHEAST,
EAST,
SOUTH,
SOUTH
(where the statues asked some weird riddle about a peach or something!),
SOUTH, and
SOUTHWEST. He
DROPPED THE TUSK, THE SHIELD, THE SIGN, THE FIGURINE AND THE ONYX.
"Time to mail this badge!" Garonian Guy decided. He knew the other thing he had to face was that vile Green Knight he thought
he killed but really didn't. And he didn't want to have his head knocked off any time soon. So he headed
NORTHEAST and then
WEST and
WEST again. He headed
SOUTH and
SOUTH
again into the room where the giants were throwing boulders around. He headed
SOUTHEAST
to avoid the blue giant's boulder and then
WAITED
for the red giant to throw his boulder. Then he ran
SOUTHWEST and
SOUTH
out of the door. He walked
WEST
down the corridor to the
WEST
and finally returned to the room with the unending chant and the post box. He
POSTED THE BADGE
and there was a loud grinding sound. Garonian Guy was teleported into a small ante-room where space felt distorted as if
he were in a Hall of Mirrors. There was an exit to the
SOUTHWEST
and he stumbled toward it.
Garonian Guy ended up on a strange grid with a floating 'L' above him. He surveyed the terrain and noticed he was on a
5 x 5 grid with letters floating above every space. But he couldn't see which letters they were unless he passed directly
beneath them. And when he moved, he just kept sliding until he ran out of momentum. "Well, I guess I need to slide under
all of these letters in the most efficient manner!" Being a mathematickal super-genius, he headed
SOUTH (taking note of all the letters he passed under), then
WEST, then
NORTH, then
EAST, followed by
SOUTHWEST,
NORTH,
SOUTHEAST and finally
WEST.
As he slowed down, space and time gave a final despairing shrug and he found the scenery had changed again. Above Garonian Guy
was sunshine and the world seemed peaceful and relatively normal. Ahead of him were 26 staircases labeled A to Z. A large
turnip was at his feet. He
PICKED UP THE TURNIP
and decided to
EXIT
via one of the staircases. He chose
R
because that was the only letter that didn't appear on the grid that he had just slid around.
At the top of the stairs, Garonian Guy met a grey-haired old man who blinked at him and introduced himself as
Magnus the sage. "I suppose I'd better let you out the back door--the neighbors round here aren't very friendly,"
he winked. Garonian Guy followed him through a large study lined with books and papers; the only paper close enough
for him to read as he passed by had a strange calculation which he took note of.
Magnus led Garonian Guy toward the back door, muttering something about putting the goat out for the night. He collared
a goat which was devouring some papers and pushed it out into the street along with Garonian Guy!
Garonian Guy found
himself in a dingy street behind some court buildings. The only exit was north. A wolf was prowling about and the goat
was chewing on things it probably shouldn't have been chewing on.
Garonian Guy
DROPPED THE TURNIP and
PICKED UP THE GOAT.
"I've seen this puzzle before! I just hope there isn't a twist to it, like the wolf is a vegetarian or
something!" He carried the goat
NORTH and
DROPPED THE GOAT
on the north end of the dingy street. A poster was located on the wall. It said, "Lost--One wolf, one goat and one turnip.
A reward is offered for their recovery."
"Oh, okay. Easy!" Garonian Guy headed
SOUTH and
PICKED UP THE TURNIP.
He headed back
NORTH and
DROPPED THE TURNIP
by the goat. "Well, can't leave the goat here with that turnip!" He
PICKED UP THE GOAT
and headed back
SOUTH. He
DROPPED THE GOAT and
PICKED UP THE WOLF
(which bit him! Jerk!) and dragged it
NORTH. He
DROPPED THE WOLF and headed
SOUTH again to
PICK UP THE GOAT.
He dragged it
NORTH
and as he brought the three lost items together, a window opened up far above him and a man hung his head out. "Many thanks!"
he said. "Here is your reward; don't spend it all at once!" He tossed a gem down to Garonian Guy and chanted some strange
words. Garonian Guy was transported out of the dingy street and into a seedily-decorated chamber. It was filthy and tattered
so he was happy to head
SOUTH
to more luxurious regions. These ended up being a maze of carpeted corridors.
"Ugh! Another maze!" A bloodstone sat twinkling on the carpet so he
PICKED UP THE BLOODSTONE.
He also heard a voice say, "Try all directions."
"That sounds easy enough!" Garonian Guy set off to the
NORTH,
NORTHEAST,
EAST,
SOUTHEAST,
SOUTH,
SOUTHWEST,
WEST,
NORTHWEST,
UP, and
DOWN.
After heading in all directions, he found himself in a lavishly-decorated cavern. A jeweled sceptre had been left behind.
Garonian Guy
TOOK THE SCEPTRE
and, as he did so, he noticed a calculation on one wall and some numbers on the other.
The calculation looked like this:
DEMONS +
DEMONS
ZYGMUND
And the numbers on the other wall were the following: 45647298. Remembering the equation he saw in the other room and doing
some quick math, he determined that 1=Z, 2=O, 3=Y, 4=G, 5=U, 6=D, 7=E, 8=S, 9=N and 0=M! So the word he was looking for was
GUDGEONS!
Or it might have been Mongoose. But it wasn't this time! He yelled the weird word and heard a mighty hssssss! When Garonian
Guy opened his eyes, he was back in the room with the post box. He
PICKED UP THE LANTERN and headed
EAST.
He still felt a little weird from the wolf bite and figured he better cure that fast! Or else he'd end up howling like a lonely
Chihuahua and scooting across the dungeon floor. The best way to cure Lycanthropy (which is a fancy way of saying rabies),
according to his Weeblows training, was to swim in a fast running river! So he hurried to the
EAST and then
EAST again. He headed
NORTH
into the giant room. Dodging rocks, he ran
NORTHEAST,
WAITED and ran
NORTHWEST.
He dodged the last rock and zipped
NORTH
out the door. He marched
NORTH and then
EAST and then
EAST and then
NORTH and then
NORTH and then
NORTH and then
NORTH and then
NORTH and then
NORTH.
He was at the bank of the river. Before jumping into the river, he
DROPPED EVERYTHING
so that he wouldn't lose it. Then he
SWAM
in the mighty torrent. He struggled for awhile before eventually staggering back to land feeling curiously renewed in spirit. He
PICKED UP EVERYTHING
and headed back to the shrine by going
SOUTH,
SOUTH,
SOUTH,
SOUTH,
SOUTH,
SOUTH,
SOUTH,
SOUTHWEST.
Safely back in the shrine, he
DROPPED THE SCEPTRE, BLOODSTONE AND EMERALD.
"I think it's time to gear up for war against that Green Knight!" shuddered Garonian Guy as he
PICKED UP THE HELMET, SHIELD, AND SWORD.
He headed back to the green room by going
NORTHEAST,
NORTH,
NORTH,
NORTH,
WEST,
NORTHWEST,
WEST, and
SOUTHWEST.
"Hmm, if I had some graph paper with me, I'd be positive there was another room I've yet to explore! I better go do that
first!" Garonian Guy headed
SOUTHWEST
into the damp chamber and then
NORTH
from there. He entered a dead end with a heavy set of dumb-bells! "Oh boy! I need to work out a bit in the middle of my
adventure!" He tried lifting the dumb-bells but couldn't do it while carrying all of his equipment. So he
DROPPED ALL of his stuff and
LIFTED THE BELLS! He then
TOOK ALL
of his stuff back in his arms and headed
SOUTH.
He went
NORTHEAST and then
SOUTH
into a cul-de-sac with green walls and a heavy rope hanging down near the southern wall. "This might be it!" he cried (literally,
unless that would contradict earlier parts of the story where he was too manly to cry. And then just ignore this time or the
other time), checking his equipment. He
WORE HIS HELMET
and glanced at his sword to make sure it was green. It wasn't so he
waited until his sword was green and then
PULLED THE ROPE.
The Green Knight suddenly appeared before Garonian Guy though no sound had been made by the rope being pulled. "Ah, Sir Garonian!
We meet again and it is my turn to deal you a blow! However, I am loath to kill you without some small feat of arms, and you
are well-equipped for combat. Let battle commence!"
Garonian Guy and the Green Knight fought long and hard. They fought up and down the room. Then they fought down and up
the room. They didn't get to fight around and around the room because Garonian Guy and his sword, Killworth, landed a bunch of
formidable blows that made the Green Knight squeak in pain and fear and frustration before they could.
"Victory is yours, Sir Garonian," he conceded at last and handed Garonian Guy a souvenir of their encounters. He then vanished
abruptly. Garonian Guy
PICKED UP THE EGG
that was now lying there. It was jade and emeralds inscribed the word "Garonian" across it.
"One final trip back to the shrine, me thinks!" methunk Garonian Guy! He headed
NORTH and then
NORTHEAST
when he was suddenly confronted by a bearded dwarf dressed in light armor and carrying a formidable spear. The dwarf seemed
very quick. So Garonian Guy
DROPPED ALL BUT HIS SWORD and
ATTACKED THE DWARF.
The dwarf joined the battle and, once again, Garonian Guy fought a complicated battle all up and down and, this time, around
the room. Eventually, the dwarf conceded that Garonian Guy was the most skillful swordsman he had ever met or ever would meet
and retreated, but not before handing Garonian Guy an oriental topaz.
"What is with all the monsters in this place? Don't I get to kill any of them? They all concede and retreat or run away in
pain or teleport away? I feel like such a jerk loser!" He
PICKED UP ALL of his stuff and headed
EAST.
Then he went
SOUTHEAST, and
EAST, and
SOUTH, and
SOUTH, and
SOUTH, and
SOUTHWEST.
He was back in the shrine! Garonian Guy
DROPPED THE EGG AND THE TOPAZ.
Having explored every single square inch of Fyleet and raided it for all it was worth, he knelt down on his mat to
PRAY
for guidance. A regal voice said, "Congratulations! All you have to do now is to sack the temple of Demnos single-handed!
However, you will have my protection against the demons guarding the evil place!"
"Well, thanks for that! But where is this evil place and how do I get there?" Garonian Guy remembered there was one passage he
had yet to follow. But he had sensed some sort of security system there. If only he had a magickal conveyance to transport him
past that room....
Garonian Guy
PICKED UP THE BROOM
and decided to go work out while thinking about the problem. "Maybe the Orb will help also," he thought and
GRABBED THE ORB before heading
NORTHEAST. He headed
NORTH
to where the statue sat. "Goodbye, statue! I'll miss you're sage advice and worldly wisdom! I'm sure I'll see you again, if I
survive, since I still have to come back and get all of my treasures to take home with me after the final battle!" He continued
NORTH and
NORTH
again beneath the odd magickal light. He wandered
WEST
still thinking about his problem and then headed
NORTHWEST. He headed
WEST and then
SOUTHWEST and then
SOUTHWEST and then
NORTH. He
DROPPED ALL and then
LIFTED THE BELLS. He then
TOOK ALL
of his stuff and began heading back when he realized he could maybe ride the broom! He tried riding the broom and saying the
magick word which he got from the Phoenix (MKINFO, in his case) but the broom only sputtered like it was out of magickal fuel.
"Magickal Fuel? Maybe that light! I better hurry!" He scurried
SOUTH and then
NORTHEAST and then
NORTHEAST and then
EAST and then
SOUTHEAST and then
EAST
and he was back under the glowing ceiling.
"Here goes something!" he said and
RODE THE BROOM. He sat on it and said,
"MKINFO!"
The broom roared to life as it gathered the magickal energy above him. He hung on for dear life as it zoomed off at a
fantastick pace, narrowly missing a large bell suspended from the ceiling along the way. And then the motor cut off and dropped
him in a corridor leading east and south. Garonian Guy shrugged and headed
SOUTH.
He entered a chamber dedicated to the god Demnos! Unpleasant scenes were depicted on all the walls and a huge stone idol of
Demnos stood before him, blocking him from continuing south. Feeling overconfident and arrogant, Garonian Guy decided to
KILL THE IDOL,
even though he wasn't quite sure if it was alive or just a statue. But as he approached it, it came to life and grabbed at him!
Using reserves of strength he never knew he had (but expected he had them!), he wrestled with the stone monstrosity until
he crushed it so forcefully it ceased to move. "Wow! I'm the best!"
Garonian Guy felt a bit tired and
WAITED
to rest. A shudder went through his body and he ended up dropping everything involuntarily. So, he
PICKED UP ALL of his stuff and
WORE THE HELMET, just in case. He headed
SOUTH.
Garonian Guy finally stood outside the temple of Demnos. Unearthly sounds emanated from the worshipers in the temple. He
girded his loins (which isn't sexual at all but manly) and strode into the temple to the
WEST.
He was instantly beset upon by demons! However, the magickal protection afforded him by Hurgenpor (and the number of
warnings from the statue!) warded them off and they fled, screaming to the lower planes. A horrifick creature began shambling
toward him, its skull crawling with dozens of ugly green worms. Garonian Guy lifted his Orb of Halgamir which gave him the courage
to brush the monstrosity aside and stride on! He used his shield to knock aside a dozen needles fired at him by some sort
of spined zombie! And then a large, two-headed dog flung itself down upon Garonian Guy but was half-impaled by the spike on
his helmet. It probably fled screaming and barking like everything else.
Finally, Garonian Guy was left face-to-face with the evil Zygmund himself! Garonian Guy's sword suddenly changed to shine
with a brilliant white luster! It's name was now probably Zygmund Slayer or Demnos Defeater or something but the battle
started so quickly that Garonian Guy wasn't able to read the name on the hilt. He fought a mighty battle with the evil
clerick which lasted no longer than one sentence and slew him! "Yes! I killed something!"
With the death of Zygmund, the temple began to totter. A mighty wind swept through it, knocking down the symbols of evil.
The building disintegrated and engulfed all of Zygmund's followers that were still alive (which were all of them since
Garonian Guy only ever killed the one thing!). Garonian Guy rushed outside and arrived in a small sanctuary whose only exit
was blocked by fallen rocks. On the floor was a square with the following markings:
|Y|1|G|
|3 |5| 7|
|B|9|R|
The Y, G, B, and R were pictures of dragons (yellow, green, blue and red) and the numbers were large and painted white.
A voice intoned, "Enchanted square, dweomered well: Ye need two words to 'scape this cell. A number now I ask of you: First
digit red, the second blue."
"What? Another stupid math puzzle after I've defeated the game, I mean, the evil clerick? If I solve it, I better be
transported to the shrine so I can get all of my treasures! Those weren't offerings, Hurgenpor! Those were for me!" Garonian
Guy noticed the numbers in the grid added up to 15 in both all-number rows. "So that must be how the entire grid would
look and the stupid voice wants a number that would be whatever the numbers under the R and the B are. And all digits from
1-9 are probably used. So, the R=2 and the B=4 and the Y=8 and the G=6. Easy Peasy!" Garonian Guy said,
"TWENTY FOUR!"
There was one final rush of wind and Garonian Guy found himself transported safely outside the ruins of Fyleet which were
engulfed in molten lava. "NO! My fortune! You thief, Hurgenpor!" Garonian Guy fell to his knees as a voice mocked, "You
are now ready for a really difficult Adventure!"
"Oh, peach you, Hurgenpor!"
* * * * * * * * * *
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