The First Epic Battle
"Great," wounded Turf.
"That's okay! We got our hit eater. I mean, The
Hero," happily announced Rocko.
"I heard that, Healing Guy," heard Turf.
"I need a Catch Phrase! Darn it!"
catch-phrased Corky improvisationally.
"Yes, you do, Corky," belittled Turf.
"You can think one up later, Corky!"
bebigged Rocko. "Some Hero!"
"Ha! Lousy Hero!" bandwagoned Buster.
"Papa Smurf always says...," unfinished Buster as they all
charged into battle.
Rocko sloshed through the poo and mud first and
pounded a rat with his mace in an exciting epicky battle sort of
way. "Smasho!" he yelled for added effect and grandeur.
"Squeak!" squaked the rat.
"Take that, Rat!" poetically retaliated
Rocko. "Hey, Turf, you should try this fighting thing out! It
makes you heroic and stuff!"
"Don't bother our gay Hero," homophobed
the secretly gay and self-hating Buster.
"Timing is everything, boys!" shouted Turf
as he stood back and watched Dade rush in to attack some rats also.
Dade sneakily back stabbed one and sneakily poisoned it for sneaky
"Loser!" shouted Buster from the
sidelines. Rocko frowned because he saw Buster getting ready to
strum his ukulele for a Magick Bolt Throwing Bolt Attack! A
horrendous noise issued forth from the ukulele (like what always
happens when a ukulele is played) and a magickally created bolt
appeared and shot off at the rat Dade had poisoned. It smashed into
its thick rat hide and blood and brains spurted everywhere as the
rat's head exploded into a billion pieces, like the Death Star (in
the original version without the ring thing).
"You almost shot my ear off!" tantrummed
Rocko who was paying more attention to making fun of Buster than to
fighting the Giant Rat right in front of him. "Nice wasted
attack on a rat that couldn't attack very well because it was full
of poison, Buster!"
XX. Corky is Retarded &
Buster is Gay
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